Things they don't tell you about toddlers...

There are certain things that people tell you about being pregnant. They don't always share in the gory, horrible details about the aches, pains, and actual happenings of having a child. People will ALWAYS give you their advice whether or not you ask for it. They mention the terrible 2's but it seems a breeze compared to what you hear about puberty. Let me tell you - it's not just the terrible 2's that you have to look out for. It starts as soon as they get the idea of walking = independence. They start exploring and testing....ah, the testing phase. Testing what, you ask? Testing every single fiber of your patience. I never thought I would barter with a toddler...boy was I WRONG!

Here are some things that people don't tell you about having toddlers in your life:

1. These crazed-ass darling children that you have given birth to suddenly get abducted by aliens anytime that you are in public.

2. NEVER paint anything white. White walls are a flashing billboard for crayon drawings. Point in case....all throughout our living room and hallways we painted navy blue on the top half of the walls and white on the bottom - this was before we had children. Now I wish we would have painted everything brown, dark brown.

3. You will cherish nap time. No matter how long or how not-often it happens. You will weep when it does happen.

4. You will repeat yourself 5,786,984,345 times about more things then you care to admit.

5. Be ready for your house to look like a tornado came through. I have actually picked up every single toy, stowed it in it's own bin/basket/box, then watched these monsters take things out and just throw them on the ground, while going for something at the bottom of said container.

6. You might get some entertainment out of those shows they watch. I like Good Luck Charlie....just sayin'.

7. Nothing goes as planned. Nothing. Seriously, nothing.

8. Meltdowns will most likely happen in public, where other dumb ass judgmental people that have been in the same position will shake their heads at you with a frown. Really people? You were in this same situation - bartering with a small child to just make it the rest of the way throw grocery shopping. Just be glad your beasts are grown now.

9. You stop worrying about the fact that your 2 year old will only eat pancakes every day for every meal because it means that she's actually eating. (Yes - they do on hunger strikes)

10. Little girls HATE getting their hair brushed.....maybe it's just mine - but sometimes I am tempted to let a bird fly into that rat's nest just to stop the crying.

11. Potty training is the pits. 4 out of 5 kids have hard time with this transition. I have thought about buying stock in adult diapers....cause it really is NOT worth the fight and struggle. We can approach that topic in another 6 months...always give yourself another 6 months.

12. They grow up way to fast. One day you will look at them sitting on the couch and think when did you get so damn big?

13. Once they learn how to, they will apologize for doing bad things.

14. They will learn something new everyday. It may be how to hop, draw a smiley face, or say their first curse word.

15. They will break your heart. Each. Day. They will change into these little people that think and feel (although don't express it in socially accepted ways). (heartbreaker) Their facial features change from a wrinkly, little worm to round, beautiful faces. (heartbreaker) They say things like, "I love you mama." just out of the blue. (heartbreaker) They walk up and give you hugs just because. (heartbreaker).

They will be the most frustrating, sweet, annoying, loving little people that you will ever deal with. They will amaze you while you pull your hair out. Toddlers are for real, real crazy. They will make you crazy, real crazy. However, you will be a better person because of them. You will realize that things aren't always so horrible. There is a rainbow in every rain cloud. Yet, you will cherish each and every dinner you get to eat warm, without crying!