Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Baby, Baby, Baby

After our heartbreaking lose in May, we are so EXCITED to announce that we are officially in the second trimester of our pregnancy! Losing a baby at anytime during pregnancy is a really horrible experience. One that can't be put into words. You feel so much despair, anger, and sadness. However, the Lord has blessed us with another little one to look forward to seeing grow!

This time around we still have a couple of challenges. My blood pressure has been okay, but they found out I have placenta previa (which is somewhat common). I am on a couple of restrictions and it may cause more problems after pregnancy then during but we are hoping and praying that everything turns out the way it is supposed to.

It's really hard to trust God blindly. I know that is the devil at work. The devil's job is to make you worry and think of what ifs. I am doing my best to fight the battle and believe that God has this plan that is going to reveal itself in the end to being the best possible. However, I am only human so sometimes it's a hard fight staying on the good side.

We bought a heartbeat droppler machine this time around. It gives me the best piece of mind to hear that baby's heartbeat each and every day. I have limited myself to once a day but for those minutes that i am laying down with 2 kids jumping around the bed singing and the dogs are running around barking, I am at ease.

Having children is one of the most incredible experiences that we are allowed to experience in this life. I am so fortunate to be able to have 2 amazing children already! I will never forget and always mourn that lose of our 3rd baby. The wonder of what it could have and would have become is forever a mystery.

With pregnancy in general emotions are extremely high and I cry all the time. I don't cry anymore for what was lost. I cry for the amazing blessings we already have. I cry about 25 times a day. Not scrunched face, nasty cry - the blurry eye, sniffling cry. I thank the Lord everyday for giving me this amazing man who is okay with eating leftovers and frozen meals while driving an almost 10 year old car so that I can stay home with our girls. I am thankful for 2 incredibly smart and sassy girls that make my day go by in the blink of an eye. I am thankful for a Nunna and Papa that help whenever we need it and love our girls fiercely. I am thankful for the little one we lose for the ability to connect with others that have lost and realize how really fortunate I am. Lastly, I am thankful for this little one growing in my belly. I am thankful for the morning puking to ease my daily fears that we might lose him/her. I am thankful for EVER.SINGLE.STRETCHMARK. How awesome are free tattoos?!

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers during this incredible journey!