Wednesday, December 11, 2013

The Paci Blues

It's been a rough 29 hours in this house. Yesterday, we laid the pacifiers to rest. I had no problem with the girls having them until they were around 4 (when they start preschool), however, as of late they have NOT been using them the way they have been intended. I have done a lot of research on the usage of pacifiers and it's main goal is to soothe. They do their job - believe me. I would not have had a moment of sleep (not that I get a lot) in the last 3 years without them.

However, my girls have started chewing on them and ripping them apart. This is one way you can tell that your child physically is ready to give up the pacifier. This has been going on for a couple of months and I started having to replace them. It's not that they break the bank - but really? Chewing on it? You have all your FREAKING teeth. Why are you chewing on them?

What really made up the decision was when Lilli (3 years old) started trying to talk with it in her mouth. Now, she already has a speech issues. She doesn't place her tongue correctly on a lot of words and she has a little lisp. (I know that this will change over time.) Add having her tongue shaped into a "U" to hold on to her pacifier to that lisp/wrong tongue placement. It's a recipe for disaster. For real - it's hard enough sometimes to translate her foreign language!

So yesterday, when Lucy in the Womb woke me up for the day, I decided that we would lay the pacifiers to rest and hope for the best. Man - I did not know what I was in for!

Isabella (2 years old) was okay without it until nap time. When nap time came. She cried like someone was cutting off her fingers one at a time for 8 minutes. ONLY 8 minutes. I was expecting at least 30 minutes. That got my hopes up. At bedtime she only cried for 5 minutes! Such success in only 2 sleeps. She did ask for it twice during the day - but I was able to side track her with food. (She could use gaining a couple of pounds.) *She did wake up at 1:30 and cry but she fell back asleep after a minute or two. (I got to stay up for about 45 minutes listening to the Hubbs snore.) Day 2 nap time was HORRIBLE! She cried for 4 minutes then was quiet. I was silently cheering. Then 3 minutes later she started back up. It took her 25 minutes of crying on and off to finally pass out!

Lilli is a completely different story. This girl LOVES her pacifier. I knew it was going to be a struggle. She asked for it about 4 times throughout the day. Each time I told her that she was a big girl and didn't need it anymore. Then I started bribing her. "You want a new toy? You don't need the paci then!" Nap time was easier then I thought. it took her about 15 minutes of whimpering for her to pass out. Bedtime like living in HELL! She cried hard - snotty nose running down lip, tears down the cheeks, red scrunched up face, gonna make you throw up kind of crying hard. After 40 minutes - yes I let her go that long - I went in her room and laid down with her. She wanted to go and sit in the living room, but I just rubbed her back. She was out in less then 5 minutes. So far, she hasn't asked for it today. I am hoping that nap time goes just like yesterday and that bedtime will be at least half the time it took last night.

Now, let me tell you the things that could have screwed with my success rate here….

1) I didn't read them any kind of story about why we were giving it up - we just quit cold turkey. I don't think Isabella would have understood and I think that Lilli just thinks I am a bitch, but it might have helped.

2) They both went to bed LATE. Lilli went to bed extremely late. Over an hour late, because I wanted to let her see her dad. I should know better! Over tired children = Hot ass messes!

3) Day 2 issues - they both went to the doctor for checkups and each got one shot. What the hell was I thinking?!

Now - this evening we will be over to see my mom so Isabella might be a little late for bedtime. I try to keep her up until 9 but she's in bed by 8:30 most of the time. Some people may think this is late, but the chick only needs 8 hours of sleep. Her peepers open up at 6:20 every morning. Totally crazy! At 9:15 Lilli will be laying in bed relaxing with her choice of book, iPad, or toy. Last night we just threw her in bed at 10:30 and hoped for the best. I think that nap time was successful with her yesterday because she laid in bed for  a little while before she was told she had to take a nap. Who knows if any of this will help. I will might be rubbing her back at 9:45 until she falls asleep. But those pacifiers will not be making a reappearance until April when Lucy gets here!

I was able to go to Meijer yesterday without frantically looking for 2 pacifiers and making sure everyone had their blanket. It's funny because they don't seem so attached to their blankets now. We have made 2 trips out of the house without either item. It has been fun and carefree and I don't miss swearing over losing a pacifier! You know those times. When you are looking frantically under couches, beds, and in the bottom of toy boxes. When they wake up during the night that first year and you blindly search for it in the crib to it in their mouths so that you might be able to get 2 more hours of sleep. Remember that first child? The one that would lay the paci down and you would run and wash it then sterilize it? Yeah that one - that one was a bitch! Now it's a rinse and dip. You rinse it off and then dip into their mouths. Yes, I just admitted that and you might think that's unsanitary but bite me. Just bite me. Unless you are living my crazy life - you have NO freaking idea what it's like.

So, to all you parents who have loved, hated, and wanted to kill the makers of the pacifier. I salute you! It's a hard habit to break. For your kids and you!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Until it happens to you...

I know I have posted about being a hypocrite before. Before I owned a house, got married (twice), and had children I judged people with the best of them. Does it make me a horrible person? No, only because I learned from my mistakes.

I taught elementary school children and couldn't understand why parents had such a hard time getting their kids to school on time. I certainly didn't understand why they didn't feed their kids before they brought them to school. How HORRIBLE they were! Right? WRONG! If having my own kids have taught me anything, it's that NOTHING goes the way it's supposed to go and there is NEVER enough money to cover everything we need to pay. Yes, kids throw fits in the morning about almost everything. Which makes them late to school. Sometimes we are late to somewhere just because those extra 5 minutes in bed just feels so damn good. As far as breakfast goes - I have one kid that eats from sun up to sun down. I have another one that eats only enough to keep surviving. Kids go to school really early. No wonder they don't want to eat until they get there. Or maybe, just maybe they really don't have money for food. It really happens. We've had weeks where we've only had 35 bucks for groceries. Those weeks sucked, but we survived. Until it happens to you, you don't understand. But, put yourself in their shoes.

Another thing I just realized is that cyber bullying is real. It might be something that is flat out rude or a nice picture with a "deeper meaning" that is meant to just demoralize others and how they live their lives. A friend of mine just found out that her 10 year old son what bullying people on the internet. She had NO idea. She deleted all accounts, took toys/phones away, and sat him down to explain to him why bullying was wrong. She had him watch an episode of Dr. Phil about bullying and then a video on the last girl that killed herself because of cyber bullying. I am so unbelievably PROUD of her as a parent! She has set a great example for her other kids and for us parents who will unfortunately have to deal with this at some point in our children's lives. However, there are people who have told her she's a bad parent because she didn't know what he was doing to begin with. REALLY?! Kids are sneaky. There is honestly not enough time in the day to keep tabs on them. Until it happens to you, you don't understand. But, put yourself in their shoes.

I feel that each day as a parent I learn more, see more, and experience more. I have become more sensitive to others through the trials that I have been through. I try to understand every point of view. Maybe it's my personality or how I was raised. However, I wasn't raised to judge people. That's not my job. People do things in their lives because they think that's the best for them or their families. All I can try to control is what happens to my family. I can try to sensor what my kids see or do. I say try to, because you never know what is going to happen. Nothing is promised to you.

My nephew was bullied continuously at his old school. Nothing was done. He's a really strong kid. He was able to understand that it wasn't his fault that he is different from others. He's in a school district that supports and roots for him now. However, there are kids out there that don't have that kind of support.

Oh, and bullies suck. Plain and simple. If you are berating someone because they are not just like you, think like you, or for any reason - your a bully. I've been that bully before. I totally sucked at one point. I learned though. All I ask is that you try to put yourself in others shoes, because unless you've been in their shoes - you have nothing to say!

Friday, November 1, 2013

Season of Thanks

November 1st marks the first official day of the season of thanks. Throughout the holidays everyone takes a moment to think of the things that they are most thankful for in their lives. Some small things and some large. My season of thanks started a little less then 6 months ago. We had a life changing moment happen which made us offer up thanks for the 2 beautiful, healthy girls we have & our love and support for each other. Nothing like tragedy to make your put your life into perspective.

I always said I wanted four kids. We compromised for 3 when we got married and then when we had two back to back, Miguel said I am good with 2, but if you want three then let's do it. As I sit here feeding my pregnant face with M&M cookies and Sprite I have had an Ah-Ha moment. This is actually my fourth child. So in a way, I am getting what I always dreamed of! Yes, I won't have four children to see go to kindergarten, graduate high school, get married, have kids - but I've had four kids. My body has held 4 beating hearts. Four babies that have changed my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and body. Oh, Lordy have they changed my body. (I now have the long mom butt)

Each day I have new things I worry about. Some are frivolous, like paying bills. Others are huge, as in how to raise children that are respectful and have amazing self-esteem. Luckily for me, I married the most laid back man ever! He always tells me, "We will be fine." Which sometimes makes me want to give him a titty twister, then other times it makes my heartbeat slow down and my armpits stop sweating. Oh man, my ADD has thrown me off course once again!

So today on November 1st - what am I thankful for? My four kids. The four kids that I have always wanted. The four kids that given me joy, sorrow, stretch marks, the ability to pee when I laugh or sneeze, patience, a long mom butt, & hugs and kisses.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Baby, Baby, Baby

After our heartbreaking lose in May, we are so EXCITED to announce that we are officially in the second trimester of our pregnancy! Losing a baby at anytime during pregnancy is a really horrible experience. One that can't be put into words. You feel so much despair, anger, and sadness. However, the Lord has blessed us with another little one to look forward to seeing grow!

This time around we still have a couple of challenges. My blood pressure has been okay, but they found out I have placenta previa (which is somewhat common). I am on a couple of restrictions and it may cause more problems after pregnancy then during but we are hoping and praying that everything turns out the way it is supposed to.

It's really hard to trust God blindly. I know that is the devil at work. The devil's job is to make you worry and think of what ifs. I am doing my best to fight the battle and believe that God has this plan that is going to reveal itself in the end to being the best possible. However, I am only human so sometimes it's a hard fight staying on the good side.

We bought a heartbeat droppler machine this time around. It gives me the best piece of mind to hear that baby's heartbeat each and every day. I have limited myself to once a day but for those minutes that i am laying down with 2 kids jumping around the bed singing and the dogs are running around barking, I am at ease.

Having children is one of the most incredible experiences that we are allowed to experience in this life. I am so fortunate to be able to have 2 amazing children already! I will never forget and always mourn that lose of our 3rd baby. The wonder of what it could have and would have become is forever a mystery.

With pregnancy in general emotions are extremely high and I cry all the time. I don't cry anymore for what was lost. I cry for the amazing blessings we already have. I cry about 25 times a day. Not scrunched face, nasty cry - the blurry eye, sniffling cry. I thank the Lord everyday for giving me this amazing man who is okay with eating leftovers and frozen meals while driving an almost 10 year old car so that I can stay home with our girls. I am thankful for 2 incredibly smart and sassy girls that make my day go by in the blink of an eye. I am thankful for a Nunna and Papa that help whenever we need it and love our girls fiercely. I am thankful for the little one we lose for the ability to connect with others that have lost and realize how really fortunate I am. Lastly, I am thankful for this little one growing in my belly. I am thankful for the morning puking to ease my daily fears that we might lose him/her. I am thankful for EVER.SINGLE.STRETCHMARK. How awesome are free tattoos?!

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers during this incredible journey!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Things they don't tell you about toddlers...

There are certain things that people tell you about being pregnant. They don't always share in the gory, horrible details about the aches, pains, and actual happenings of having a child. People will ALWAYS give you their advice whether or not you ask for it. They mention the terrible 2's but it seems a breeze compared to what you hear about puberty. Let me tell you - it's not just the terrible 2's that you have to look out for. It starts as soon as they get the idea of walking = independence. They start exploring and testing....ah, the testing phase. Testing what, you ask? Testing every single fiber of your patience. I never thought I would barter with a toddler...boy was I WRONG!

Here are some things that people don't tell you about having toddlers in your life:

1. These crazed-ass darling children that you have given birth to suddenly get abducted by aliens anytime that you are in public.

2. NEVER paint anything white. White walls are a flashing billboard for crayon drawings. Point in case....all throughout our living room and hallways we painted navy blue on the top half of the walls and white on the bottom - this was before we had children. Now I wish we would have painted everything brown, dark brown.

3. You will cherish nap time. No matter how long or how not-often it happens. You will weep when it does happen.

4. You will repeat yourself 5,786,984,345 times about more things then you care to admit.

5. Be ready for your house to look like a tornado came through. I have actually picked up every single toy, stowed it in it's own bin/basket/box, then watched these monsters take things out and just throw them on the ground, while going for something at the bottom of said container.

6. You might get some entertainment out of those shows they watch. I like Good Luck Charlie....just sayin'.

7. Nothing goes as planned. Nothing. Seriously, nothing.

8. Meltdowns will most likely happen in public, where other dumb ass judgmental people that have been in the same position will shake their heads at you with a frown. Really people? You were in this same situation - bartering with a small child to just make it the rest of the way throw grocery shopping. Just be glad your beasts are grown now.

9. You stop worrying about the fact that your 2 year old will only eat pancakes every day for every meal because it means that she's actually eating. (Yes - they do on hunger strikes)

10. Little girls HATE getting their hair brushed.....maybe it's just mine - but sometimes I am tempted to let a bird fly into that rat's nest just to stop the crying.

11. Potty training is the pits. 4 out of 5 kids have hard time with this transition. I have thought about buying stock in adult diapers....cause it really is NOT worth the fight and struggle. We can approach that topic in another 6 months...always give yourself another 6 months.

12. They grow up way to fast. One day you will look at them sitting on the couch and think when did you get so damn big?

13. Once they learn how to, they will apologize for doing bad things.

14. They will learn something new everyday. It may be how to hop, draw a smiley face, or say their first curse word.

15. They will break your heart. Each. Day. They will change into these little people that think and feel (although don't express it in socially accepted ways). (heartbreaker) Their facial features change from a wrinkly, little worm to round, beautiful faces. (heartbreaker) They say things like, "I love you mama." just out of the blue. (heartbreaker) They walk up and give you hugs just because. (heartbreaker).

They will be the most frustrating, sweet, annoying, loving little people that you will ever deal with. They will amaze you while you pull your hair out. Toddlers are for real, real crazy. They will make you crazy, real crazy. However, you will be a better person because of them. You will realize that things aren't always so horrible. There is a rainbow in every rain cloud. Yet, you will cherish each and every dinner you get to eat warm, without crying!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Nails Schmails

I have been on the hunt for finding some great nail polish options that aren't too expensive, easy to use, and have a long wear life. Since falling off off the nail biting wagon once this year - I am back on track and haven't chewed these nails at all in the last 6 weeks!

I spent $45 smackers on different polishes, gel kits, and polish sticker applications. I have only had the chance to use one of them. This is the Sally Hansen Salon Effects. They are $10 (got them on sale $8) a pack (you get enough for 2 manicures). I put them on last Saturday. We are on day 5 and they still look great!

I must tell you that I am hell on wheels on my nails. I tap them, wash my hands 20+ times a day, do laundry, wash dishes, cook dinner, wipe butts, clean, and whatever else you can think of I do. Worse of all - I pick at them I have been picking at the ends (by my cuticle) for the past couple of days now and they haven't budged! I am amazed that I have been able to have this cute nail design for 5 days. It says they last for 10 and I am half way there so I can tell you by the start of next week if they really stay on for 10 days.

I just painted my nails with a Revlon Red color two days prior to applying these and it started rubbing off the second day. I have found that with top coat my nails seem to just get oily and the paint peels off in chunks. I did put a top coat over this and next time I might try and not just to see what happens. Although at 5 dollars a might be more expensive then traditional polish but if it lasts, it might be worth it for once a month or so!

Friday, June 14, 2013

You can't make this shit up...

Today we had a fantastic day at the zoo. However, lots of walking & warm weather causes for little girls and mamas to be tired. Neither one of the girls napped more then 30 minutes today and that is always a recipe for disaster! When we got home I changed Bell and laid her down. Lilli was laying on the couch almost passed out, so I threw her in her bed too. I was sitting in the family room when I hear Bell yelling from her room. I got up, huffed out a breath, and went into her room. The closer I got to her the louder she laughed. I turned on her light and found out why. She took off her diaper and peed all over her bed and herself! GREAT!

So I get her up and throw her in the tub. I am washing her hair when I hear little pitter patter of feet. I turn around to see Lilli. (who should be napping) I say, "Hey pretty girl, wanna take a bath?" She says, "Okay mama." I get her undressed and start to take her diaper off to throw her in with Bell and she says, "Mama poo poo." I look in her diaper and say, "No, baby you didn't poo poo." And I throw her in. She immediately starts yelling, "POO POO!" I look at Bell and she's holding a turd. I about passed out. I grabbed toilet paper and threw that shit (literally) in the toilet. Then I saw another turd floating in the water...what the HELL ISABELLA?!?!?!

I get them both out and drain the water, spray down the tub, and start baths all over again. By this time Lilli is crying, "NO bath." Because, who wants to swim with turds? Isabella is still wishing she had that brown tootsie roll to play with...disgusting little kid. I get them all done, the pee laundry going, and Lilli poops. In her diaper - thank God! I put her on the changing table to clean her up and I see Charlie walk past me, look in the toy chest, pull out a lego and walk out with it. Really - dog STOP eating all the legos!!!

All the while I am typing this, Bella is eating; Rascal is waddling around barking; Charlie is somewhere destroying the lego; and Lilli is yelling she wants to rope in the wild beast...may the force be with me!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

What a wonderful world...

This Friday marks a month since we have lost our little one. Being able to write that and even think about what happened has become easier. I cried most of last week. I would be cleaning or folding laundry and I would just breakdown. Into that nasty, pinched face sobbing. Then I had a break through. I took the girls to the zoo by myself. Bravest thing I've done since I've gotten grocery shopping with them down pat. The zoo is such a larger place then the grocery store. However, they were perfect girls and we had blast. I realized while I was walking (with Bella on my hip, pushing a stroller, and keeping a trained eye on Lilli) that everything is going to be okay. It's completely okay to cry.

Standing there with the sun shining on my face, Lilli playing with the animal masks, and Bella hugging my hip - I felt the touch of the wind. It felt as if someone was just standing besides me and had their arm around me. I knew at that moment that God was there telling me that everything was going to be okay. Tears fell from my face and I smiled. He was telling me that he needed that baby and that he was holding him/her. He always will. I will never forget that sensation. As if I was one with everything. I could hear the kids playing at the playscape down the way. The colors were more vibrant and I could feel each bit of Bella. I squeezed her so tight. She laughed. It's always a game to her. A game to see who can squeeze tighter. Little does she know that I could squeeze onto her and never let her go. While my littles slept, I cried the entire way home. That was the last big cry I have had in over a week.

When my mind drifts off to what would have been, I tear up. Those tears are the good tears. The tears that are made of joy, gratefulness, heartbreak, and loss. You know those tears....we've all had them.

Through this life we learn many things. One - how good family is. I have these amazing children. Who tend to drive me crazy sometimes, but then I think...they're here...I can hold them and tell them I love them. My patience has gotten a better which makes everything much easier. My husband is an incredible human being. I can't even imagine how helpless he felt as I went through all the medical procedures and physical pain. He continually tells me, "I'm here if you need to talk." I am in awe of him. My poor mama - who didn't even realize how bad she wanted a third grand baby. She's been a good source of distraction and keeping me moving. My dad has dealt with this the worse I think. He was so heartbroken .... although he wouldn't let me see it - my mom told me. My brother and sister-in-law that shed tears across the country because we were in so much pain. My sister in Ohio that was going to drive 4 hours to just be with us.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. We have many friends who called hourly to see how we were doing. Lisa called the day we found out and her tear-filled message is still saved into my voicemail. Tiffanie talked me through everything...letting me know in nurse terms what was happening and why. Melinda made us dinner. Jackie brought us slurpees. Shauna sent me a cheer up cookie. Crystal (whom I haven't seen since high school) since me this beautiful card with a necklace. Tons of women in my Mommies Group prayed for us, thought of us, and mourned our loss. So many people have hugged me and said they were sorry. I have felt each and every word that they have said. This has changed me as a person. I guess that is one of the intentions. One of God's intentions to see the good that would come out of this baby going to heaven before I did.

Through all this....I have learned how good people are. People who don't even know you - but have been through this loss - hug you. I am not the only one. Unfortunately, I won't be the last. But know that no matter what...none of us are ever alone.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

My Fit Pal

Thanks to my friend Shauna, I have found the best EVER app! It's called My Fit Pal. This app is completely free and AMAZING. It tracks your calorie intake and helps you get to your goal weight (or if you just want to maintain). It figures out how many calories you get a day depending on how much weight you want to lose. You input what you eat all day long as well as exercise and it tells you how many calories you have left to eat. I have been using it for 3 days and LOVE it! I have never counted calories. It seems kind of daunting when you think about it. That is....without this app! It's super easy and I find myself being more conscious of what I am putting in my mouth. I totally look at some snacks like - hell to the NO I am not wasting calories on you!! Others I am surprised to find aren't high in calories.
Most of the food that you will be eating is already in the database. So you just type in the food, select it from a list, and put in how many servings you are having. If the food is not in their database, you just scan the barcode with your smart phone and all the information pops up! It's amazing! There are lots of items in their database. I just used the scanner for the first time today on Ritz Crackerfuls. Which...are not super high in calories for a snack.
I am planning on trying to lose 1 pound a week. I know that losing weight is hard - hell, everyone knows it's hard! You can link the app up to your facebook account and add friends. They can see your progress and encourage you as you go! It's super awesome. I can't even explain how super awesome it is! If you own a Fit Bit (it's a daily counter of activity) you can sync it with the My Fit Pal app and it adds it into your daily diary! Now if you don't have one of these, you can get them at your local Verizon Wireless store. (My hubby works at the Taylor location!) I don't remember how much they are so that doesn't help you but I am planning on syncing mine this week. (As soon as my hubby finds it!)

We are almost half way through the year and it's so hard to stay on that track of losing weight or keeping it off. I am hopeful with the support of my friends that I will be able to lose 10 pounds and be a healthier me! :) Happy calorie counting!

Monday, May 20, 2013

Sadness...such sadness

This past week has been the worse week of my life. On Wednesday, I started spotting and cramping. I was worried because we had just all been sick with the stomach flu. I had a UTI and just got over a yeast infection. This last pregnancy has been rough. Very rough. Most of the pregnancy I was extremely exhausted and somewhat depressed. I was excited to have another baby to cuddle and watch grow. My hormones were just completely out of whack. Around 13 weeks I started feeling weird. My belly wasn't getting hard. My nausea was gone. I had felt no movement, which is common at that stage. I missed my 4 month visit due to the stomach flu and rescheduled for two days later. The day before my 4 month visit is when all hell broke loose. Seriously.
I called Miguel home early due to the bleeding and cramping. My mom came over to watch the girls and we were off to the hospital. I was thinking in my mind. I am just over doing it...I just need to rest. The nurses in the triage were HORRIBLE. They were acting like I shouldn't be there because I was not bleeding heavily and my appointment was the next day. So, they send in a nurse with a doppler. She is pushing and pushing on my belly trying to hear the heartbeat. There are tons of noises going on and she says, "I hear all the right noises, but let's get an ultrasound machine." I knew the baby was low. I have felt like it was super low the entire time. I just thought it was because I have NO stomach muscles at all anymore. The midwife comes in and doesn't know how to use the ultrasound machine. We see baby feet but that's all. One of the doctors from our practice comes in and doesn't know how to use the ultrasound machine. She is trying to zoom and then says, "Jennifer, there is no movement and we don't see a heartbeat." I couldn't breath. I just kept guys don't know what your doing. Get someone in here that knows what they are doing. So they brought in the high risk doctor.....that didn't know how to use the ultrasound machine (really people.....learn how to use a fucking machine) and she said the same about no movement and she was confident that there was no heartbeat. Really...confident? Wrong choice of words lady.
Then is where the shit really hit the fan. The doctor told me that since I was already 16 weeks along that I would have to deliver that baby either that night or the next day. I just wanted to get the hell out of there and hold my living, breathing babies. I had this feeling that I needed to get out of there right then. They said we could have a final scan the next day at the office and then we could come in and start induction. I was numb. I kept thinking....but this was my baby. I've had 2 babies is this happening?! We were almost half way there....getting excited about finding out the gender next month.
We got to my mom and dad's and I couldn't hug my girls tight enough. Lilli was still sick so I laid in her toddler bed and just listened to her heartbeat. She had a heartbeat. It was strong. Oh, Lord....this is THE toughest thing I have ever been through.
We went to the final scan and found out that the baby was only measuring 11 weeks and 1 day. I did not have to deliver and was somewhat joyous in that moment. I cannot imagine the pain that people have to go through delivering a baby that is not living. I had a D & C on Friday and woke up from it crying. I just felt so empty. Empty physically and emotionally.
It amazes me that this happens to 1 in 4 pregnancies. No one talks about it. I feel like this baby should be celebrated. I heard my baby's heartbeat twice. It was "waving" at us with it's little arm bud at 9 weeks. I feel guilty because we have 2 gorgeous, healthy girls. (Who have made this easier) There are people out there who have miscarriage after miscarriage or can't get pregnant at all. Then I see the pregnant ladies and I was to say - you should thank me because I bit the bullet so that you didn't have to. What a fucking bullet to bite. I cry throughout the day. On and off. Few minutes here, few minutes there. I am trying to keep busy. I have weeded, planted flowers, cut the lawn, organized clothing, done laundry, watched the girls play, sit with my mom, gone shopping - however....I haven't cleaned the toilet....yuck. I have an AMAZING supporting system. We have many family members and friends that are grieving with us.
I can't believe that I won't get to see if this baby had blue eyes like the girls...or if this was the brown eyed child that I have been waiting for. I won't be able to hear it cry or get thrown up on. I will always love this child. This child was conceived in love and will always be loved. I just keep thinking, God needed our baby. For some reason...he needed our baby to put into action some plan. I have to believe that...or else all this pain, suffering, and LOVE is for nothing.
To anyone that has dealt with this loss, you are not alone. Please talk to someone...anyone - don't hold it in. I will cry everyday for this baby until my heart starts to heal. I will even cry in the years to come when this happens to someone we know, or when our due date rolls around. This will be with us forever. It has strengthened the bond between Miguel and I. I thought for sure that we were having a boy and that it was going to look just like Miguel...and I was planning on calling him Miggy even though Miguel didn't want that.
I completely understand the meaning - you don't know what you had until you lost it. Such a shitty way to find out  - but I cherish everyone and everything in my life more. We have some many blessings to be thankful for. So many! This helps me....our love for one another, the love of my girls. When Lilli says, "Love you mama." When Charlie runs around the backyard like a maniac. When Bella laughs because she has eaten so much she can't breath. When Rascal kicks his leg when his belly is being scratched. When Miguel hugs me just because I don't even know I need it. So many blessings....that's what keeps me going

Thursday, April 25, 2013

May is for Mothers!

We are kicking off our 5th month of donations for Everyday Angels: Blessing Bags of Downriver! 
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Everyday Angels: BBofD we are a group of 75+ people who donate to different non-profit organizations each month. We usually get a list of items that are needed and either do a large group donation or make individual 'blessing bags'. We have made 'blessing bags' for our cars to hand out to people that are homeless, a women's & children violence shelter, 242 bags for a headstart, and an animal shelter. 

In May we are donating to The Pregnancy Crisis Center in Lincoln Park. This is a group that is staffed with trained and caring volunteers and operate on donations by individuals and organizations They help whether you are single or married regardless of age, race, gender, or religion. They serve Allen Park, Taylor, Dearborn, parts of Southeast Detroit, Melvindale, Wyandotte, and Southgate. 
I would LOVE to be able to give these people who are in need a BIG donation. What is nice is that they take gently used clothing and big ticket items (bouncers, walkers, etc.). Here is what they would like as donations:

**Diapers....all sizes, especially newborn

**Formula - Enfamil with iron

**Bottles...any kinds and nipples.
Baby food jars any stage and baby cereal.
Baby wipes...

Baby lotions, shampoos, ointments.
Breast pumps...nursing pads. only.
Crib or used.
Strollers...swings...bouncer chairs...bathtubs
Crib sheets and bassinet sheets

Bassinets ..
Sleepers....from newborn to 2T
Onesies T-shirts all sizes
Outfits...0 to 6 months boy and girl.
Any size pajamas ...
Clothing for sizes 2T 3T 4T

**Urgent Material Need

Let's do all we can to make May a GREAT donation month. 

Donations can be dropped off at our home base at any time. I can meet you if you live far or even come to your house and pick it up if you are in the downriver area. If you even have a sleeper and a jar of food...that can help!

If you would like to join our group, here is a link!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Understanding State Guidelines...and why not to get worked up

So, I was extremely pissed about the new changes in the guidelines of age requirements for kindergarten. It's funny that with being a kindergarten teacher for four years, I did not rally around this change. I was however, ignorant to the stipulations until today! The change in the law was that your child needed to be 5 by September 1st starting in 2014. (Me being a parent of 2 children that were born in November, and one soon to be in October; I found this incredibly unfair.) There is a wavier that can be signed that parents can sign, so I told myself that with my educational background, if I feel that our kids are ready - they are going.

I am guessing that the goal for this change was to get people to send their kids to preschool to get them ready for kindergarten. I found out today - after researching schools for my big girl, that the change was indeed to encourage parents to send their kids to preschool. *Children that were born by December 1st of that school year can be in kindergarten as long as they have had a least one year of preschool.* I understand. I taught kindergarten for 4 years in the inner-city. I know what it's like having kids come in that have had no school experience what-so-ever. I know that some of them were ready, regardless of prior school experience and others - even if they had preschool were still not ready.

I am a strong believer in giving some assessments to see if a child is ready for school or not. I do know that one assessment is not enough, and that if we want our educational system to rival other countries then we need to get serious about it. There needs to be many different assessments and show of growth from the age of 3 -5 to decide whether or not a child is ready for kindergarten. Here comes the preschool. Since preschool is not free and kindergarten is not even required in the state of Michigan how can we expect parents to take education seriously? Unless a parent is raised in a home where education was important to their parents they aren't going to understand the importance of preschool and early childhood education.

My birthday is Sept. 9, after 2 years of preschool I was more then ready for kindergarten. However, education was important in our home. I understand the changes in the guidelines now, early childhood education is very important...and if I can get this kid potty trained...her butt will be in preschool this fall!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Under "Life-long Learner" in the dictionary is my picture

Looking back on my educational career, 14 years in the making - I'd say that was one hell of a career, I see how much of a wishy-washy person I am. Growing up I always, always want to be a vet. I have had almost every animal in the world (well, not barn or exotic animals) and have just had a passion for taking care of them. I started off in college in Fall of 99' and I was enrolled in the pre-vet program at Wayne State. 

That first semester I failed BIO 1010. Oh, my mother of God - I was bummed. So I took it again. FAILED a second time. So my third semester I took it off campus at an extension center and passed that shit. I passed that shit with a does a person fail 2 times and then pass with a B? Was it just that the information was building up? In my opinion, nope. It was a smaller class size (450 ppl or 35? Hmmm) with someone that spoke English as a first language. With that out of the way came BIO 1020, which I took with the same teacher and did great. 

At that time I was working as a pharmacy tech at our local drug store and loving it. The pharmacists talked me into switching my major talking about all the money I would make. Then I had CHM 1030. That just sucked. BIG TIME. Let's just say mathematics isn't my thing and I had to take a lab with each math class in college. So, I knew this was not something that I was going to be able to finish. 

By the time I realized this it was 2001 and I felt lost and bummed. I just got a job working for the Taylor School District as a teaching assistant and I LOVED what I was doing. I really saw my hard work pay off with these amazing 1st - 3rd graders that I worked with. Once again, I switched majors. I think at this point my mom and dad didn't care what I did, just as long as I graduated and got the hell out of their With 2 years wasted, I started the long haul through the college of education. Which is four years and a year of student teaching. I graduated with my bachelor degree in Aug. 2006. I started working that very next month! I loved it and knew that the Lord had guided me into the right career. 

In Sept. 2006 as I was starting my first year teaching, I also started grad school. I went part time (4 credit hours) year round. My major was Early Childhood, since I LOVE the babies. (Obviously, since I would be a Duggar if I could.) I worked on that part-time for about a year and a half. In this time I had switched jobs (more pay by 10K) and was in need of some special education training, since our school had a sucky special ed program. It was non-exisistent, at least for early elementary it was and it was shabby for the upper elementary....charter schools - gotta love em'. I switched my major to learning disabilities and figured I could just get my ZA (early childhood) certification along with my masters. I was on a great path! Then came the course that everyone takes in autism. Holy Moses - I fell in love. So...I switched my major again. With the plan to get my ZA & LD (learning disabilities) certification on my teaching license and my masters in autism (AI). 

As of May 2013, I will be a graduate of Madonna University. I will have my masters in AI and I have 2 classes to finish to get my ZA certification and 2 for my LD certification. It's been a long time coming. I love going to school. I don't love paying for school (which should kick in soon) but I would go to school and get as many degrees as possible if they would let me. Well - if I could afford it. 

I have switched my major 6 times. 6 times people. How crazy is that. Once I changed it the third time I did stay in the same field, but still drifted from one side to the other. I think that it was just because I have always wanted to help people. Now, I am not using any of this 100K+ education for income purposes. I have been fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my girls for the last 2 years. Believe me I am putting all of that education (even the vet & pharmacology into good use!) You see, school doesn't just teach you the skills you need for a career. I learned a lot from those 2 'wasted' years of college. I know to NEVER mix bleach with ammonia - because of the fumes. I know the conversions for ounces to cups and ML to teaspoons - tablespoons. Bio 1010 - Dolphins and Pigs are 2 animals that have sex for pleasure...yes- that is what I remember. 

I have learned so many great things over the years. I know that school is not for everyone. I understand that however...
Knowledge is power. 
It has the ability to take you anywhere. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Baby, baby, baby.....s

As some of you know from my ramblings here and there that we are trying for our third child. We have been "trying" since September. Now when I say trying, I don't mean - we'll see what happens when it happens. I mean, temperature charting, ovulating testing - the whole nine yards. I can say that after 6 months of trying, I probably only have 1/10th of the want that people who haven't conceived in years or never will. My thoughts often go to those who aren't able to have kids at all. I think that adoption should be attainable for EVERYONE with the means of supporting and loving a child. It's ridiculous to have to spend 20K+ to adopt a child and give it a better life. RIDICULOUS.

There are some people that sympathize with us and others that don't. Let me just tell you that the ones that don't are high on my shit list when they talk all high and mighty. If you have never "tried" and "tried" and "tried" to get pregnant, with no success - shut.your.hole. The best phrase to say to me to get punched in the throat is, "Stop trying." Really?! Are you kidding me?! I don't have a young 20 something body that is popping out vibrant, healthy eggs every month. I want what I want and I want it NOW!

A lot of people who are trying to make me feel better, say, Oh, it will happen when it's supposed to happen. No shit sherlock....really? You don't think that I realize I have no real control over this and that it makes me feel even more like losing my fraking mind?! I love those people for trying to make me feel better. When I get so close to that time of the month, it's great how mother nature fucks with me.  It makes my boobs hurt, turns me into a narcoleptic, and makes me bubble with emotions. I think - hmmm...maybe the sperm were like Michael Phelps this time....maybe me holding my legs up for 25 minutes after really worked. Only, to start my period 2 days later. What.a.bitch. Yeah, you mother nature are a huge BITCH.

As you can tell, it's getting close to that time of finding out if it's a + or a - sign. Less then a week. And the anticipation is KILLING me. I guess good things come to those who wait right? That's a shitty saying too...blah - I need to eat something with chocolate and go back to bed!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Bagging those bags!

We had our first "bagging" this past Saturday. It is exciting, inspiring, and productive! We had many people that donated supplies and their time to make this happen. Our goal for the evening was 30 bags. We made 38! I was most excited about seeing everyone's hard work in action. There were 5 adults and 9 kids that attended. The 4 ladies that showed up worked hard and I appreciate every effort they made! I am hoping that in a couple of weeks, I will be getting comments about people handing out their bags and how great of an experience it was. Here are some pictures from the night!

Brayden sorting through toiletries

Getting set-up

Shannon and Brayden ~ Thanks for your hard work!

Even the littlest ones got involved!

Diana working on getting the bags ready.

Erin working hard!

Lots of goodies going to people who need them.

Poor Cheryl, we made her work on her knees!

Finished bags, packed to the brim!

Isabella showing off our finished product!
We did a really great job, and there was tons of items stuffed into those bags. Everyone that donated supplies or their time got bags to take home to pass out. We had a meeting of the minds at the end of the night and jotted down things that we would like to do this year. Next month we are donating to a women's shelter, March is Children's Hospital, and April is the Brownstown Animal Shelter.

Everyone left with a smile on their face, bags in hand, and hope in their heart.

I didn't understand how giving people were. This project has enlightened me greatly on the wonderful people that God has placed in my life. I have known some of these people my entire life. I haven't seen some of them in over ten years. Some I met that night. People in general are pretty amazing. I am happy to see such good come out of a small idea from my pea sized brain.

With all of this goodness going on, I have really been thinking about starting a non-profit. I have done some research and starting an association would be super easy with minimal cost. However, I would solely have to rely on the support of individuals. If I start a non-profit, then I can apply for grants and get local businesses involved. It's a big job, not one that I went to school for, but I am trusting in the Lord to lead me in the right direction. I have always wanted to help the greater good. This is the reason why I became a teacher. I love helping the innocence of our population learn and grow. However, doing this would be to help another group of our population. These are  people who have lost their innocence and have battled trials and tribulations, not even I have seen. This is a major life-changing decision. The Hubbs is behind me 120%. I just have to believe in myself enough to make a decision.....

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Apple Pizza Turnovers

In the fight to get my grown-ass husband to eat breakfast, I have been trying new recipes. I have made ham mcmuffins, bacon-n-eggs cups, and apple pizza. Well, it was supposed to be apple pizza, however, I turned it in to an apple pizza turnover. The original recipe was supposed to be dairy free, however, no dairy allergies in this we used real butter. I used more lemon juice then was specified and from a real lemon. I love tart apple pie!

This is what it was supposed to look like....

This is what it actually look like!

I guess in my mind I wasn't picturing a pizza per say....I was thinking of a pie. I think that's where it all got out of hand. I rolled the dough out too much and had large squares of dough. So, I improvised and made turnovers. Crafty, huh? Who the hell cares what they look like, they were fantastic! I got 2 thumbs up from the Hubbs and my dad (who is a apple turnover connoisseur). Of course, it was one of my favorite things for breakfast! Who doesn't love pizza dough and apple pie filling? So, here's the recipe I was adapted from this version.

  • 1 tube of refrigerated pizza dough
  • 2 apples (1 tart, 1 sweet) peeled, cored, chopped
  • 2-3 Tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice + a little bit of pulp
  • ½ tsp cinnamon
  • 2 Tbsp brown sugar
  • ½ tsp corn starch
  • 3 Tbsp butter divided 
  • {Streusel}
  • 3 Tbsp brown sugar
  • ¼ cup unbleached all purpose flour
  • 3 Tbsp butter
  • {Glaze}
  • 1 cup powdered sugar
  • ½ tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 Tbsp butter, melted
  • 2 Tbsp of milk, more depending on consistency desired

  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper or foil.
  2. Place peeled and cut apples in a bowl and sprinkle with lemon juice, cinnamon, brown sugar, corn starch and mix. Place apple mixture on pan. Then speckle tiny dots of butter over the top. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until soft. Remove from oven and set aside to cool.
  3. Raise oven temperature to 450 degrees F and roll out the pizza dough to about 1/2 thick. Use pizza cutter to cut into 4 pieces. 
  4. Transfer dough squares to lightly greased baking sheets and top with apples. Prepare streusel by combining brown sugar and flour and then cutting in butter with a fork until well combined. Sprinkle over the top of the apples. Then fold in corner to make into a turnover. Top each with 1 tsp of sugar.
  5. Bake pizzas for 10-12 minutes or until the edges appear lightly brown and the toppings are bubbly.
  6. Meanwhile, prepare glaze by combining powdered sugar with vanilla and melted butter and whisking in milk until desired consistency is reached – thin enough to drizzle. You will have leftover glaze.
  7. Remove turnovers from oven and drizzle with vanilla glaze, cut however you please and serve warm. These store well in an airtight container refrigerated for up to 2 or 3 days. Simply reheat in the oven or microwave before serving.

I seriously just ate the one that was left over as part of my lunch and it was AMAZING! So good luck - it was easy and didn't take that much time! 

Monday, January 21, 2013

Kitchen, kitchen - your a friggin mess!

I am always trying to organize this house and our lives easier. Most the time, it isn't so easy with the little ones leaving toys all over the place and dropping their snacks here and there. Not to mention, the hairy ass dog that sheds like it's a necessity for a Corgi-hair rug in every room. It's a never ending battle.  I have no idea how people work, raise babies, clean their house, cook dinner, etc. I appreciate every day the fact that I get to stay home, while the Hubbs brings in the money.

My first attempt at organization has been the girls toys. I have successfully gotten the living room toy-free. Most of the toys are in their rooms, however, we still have playland in our family room. At least, I have one room that is presentable!

After this, I realized that a very large portion of my day is spent in the kitchen. I love to cook and bake. I have really become quite the chef in the last year or so. This love of cooking has cause my cabinets to look like a nightmare of stacked bowls, pans, and pantry items shoved here and there. You know what that looks like...your kitchen is probably much like mine was. Don't lie. You have that bottom cabinet that is cast in darkness with tins and bowls stacked to the top.

My search of cabinet organization resulted in my wanting the new sleek pull out drawers. These drawers are beautiful! The smartest thing that I have seen in my life. Have you seen the corner cabinet drawers?
The person that invented this is a pure genius!

I also fell in l.o.v.e. with this little number.....

How awesome would my new pots and pans look on this? Super sexy...that's how they'd look!

The top picture would require getting all new cabinets, which is in our future. Not immediate future, but before we die future. The second picture was 129.00 at Lowes....on our shoe string budget that's not going to happen right now either. So, I searched and got a little creative and this is what I came up with. *I didn't take before pictures, because I was so excited about this I just jumped right into it.*

This is our bottom cabinet. When we moved in this lovely money pit, we moved a door and added cabinets for more storage. This is the cabinet my dad and cousin Chris made. I got the pan organizer for 11.99. I love that I can pull them out and put them back easily. No more taking the whole stack out, getting what I want, putting the stack back, and repeating after use. My pans are now stacked on a handy stacker. It was only 8.99!! How awesome is that?! I used a dish drainer to hold my pot/pan, which probably isn't the best use of space, but it makes them easy to access. I did see something that can be screwed on onto the side of the cabinet to hold them there, but I couldn't find it in the store. The bottom part is still not organized. I have my cake carries being held in place by a Pampered Chef stone (which I have owned for over a year and never used).

Directly above this homemade cabinet, is a store-bought cabinet that the Hubbs and my dad put up. It stores all of our snacks and some of our pantry items for the week. It was a MESS. There were things stacked on top of things. Chips getting crushed. Items forgotten about and it was just blah. I got an adjustable shelf for 11.00 and this was the result!

Now we can see what snacks we have and which ones we need. This will make my grocery shopping easier and allows for Lilli to get a better look at the selection of snack we have. 

Until I can have the kitchen of my dreams with all the drawers and real organization tools, this will have to do. I am pretty pleased and it should last the 15 years it will take to save for that new kitchen!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Sandy Hook....

It makes me sick that someone has produced a video that twists what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary into a hoax. Those teachers and babies DIED!! What the hell is wrong with people that they would desecrate someone's memory like that?!?! Of course the media reported wrong info when it first happened, they were just trying to keep us in the loop. I realize that this video was to raise support to encourage people's righta to weapons, but there is a different way to go about this. Maybe make a video of all the masses of people that have been saved by having someone having a gun on them at the right time, in the right place. Saying that it was a hoax is the worse thing that anyone could say. It makes me want to throw up and punch the guy that made it in the throat....then kick him in the balls....what an asshole.

Nasty habits

My entire life I have had this horrible, nasty habit. I have done it all my life. I have had 2 bouts in my life that I have actually managed to stop. Right before I got married (for about 3 months) and while I was pregnant with Lilli (for about 6 months). This habit, which since becoming sort-of a germ-a-phob makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little. I don't even know I am doing it. It is really a nervous habit. I do it no matter where I am. In public, in my house, and in front of people. 

My nasty habit? Biting my nails. OH-M-GEE. 

I have, once again, officially quit biting my nails. As of the new year, I have not bitten my nails. I always make sure that I have nail polish on - which may be a deterrent....cause who wants to look like trash with chipping nail polish? My nails are growing to the point that I need to get a manicure and get them trimmed a little. They are extremely LONG for me. For other people, it is probably a normal length . Here's what they look like now...

I am sort of obsessed with nail polish now, and try to do different designs on my nails, which usually looks like shit. However, whenever I feel the urge to chomp away, I put some lotion on and rub each one of my fingers nails and palms real well. I think that it is really an addiction that I am trying to battle here. It sounds dumb to someone who hasn't done it their entire life...but if it's this hard to break myself from biting my nails...could you imagine how hard it would be for me to stop doing crack? Not that I would touch crack with a 10 foot pole! But I think I have a 1/200th sample of how they feel....Well - here's to the new nails...and feel them as I click clack away on my laptop!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Tasty Treats!

We have been eating some yummy thing lately. Some that I found on Pintrest and some that I have made up with what we had in our fridge.

One thing that I made and got 2 thumbs up from Nunna and Papa was a blueberry buckle. Oh my goodness! Go to this blog : and then put blueberry buckle in the search bar. It's a very dense coffee cake. This is seriously easy and yummy. I wasn't too sure if I was going to like the lemon zest in it, but it gave it just a little bit of bite that went well with the blueberries. The Hubbs of course did not like it. If it doesn't have 3 sticks of butter, peaches or apples in it, he's not eating it.

We were at lunch with Yaya (Lilli's Fairy Godmother), Nunna, Papa, Dada, and the girl when Yaya mentioned brownies made with a waffle iron. This peaked Hubbs interest very much. After lunch we stopped at Kroger and then went try it at Nunna and Papa's house. Yes - this idea is on Pintrest - It's not that hard to figure out. Make the brownie mix, then ladle some mix onto the waffle iron, close, cook, and viola! We had a mess up with the first one. Papa encouraged us to put 2 ladles of mix on the waffle. DONT do this! It burned and didn't cook all the way through. I don't know why we listened to him - he didn't even want one!

Now - this....this creamy delight that I wanted to rub all over my body is SO worth making every.single.week! OG's copy cat recipe. It was easy and we were fighting over the food. I added chicken to it. The only problem we had was heating up the leftovers. There is a LOT of butter in this and it separated and was not so yummy, so said the Hubbs. So - I don't know what can be done to remedy that, but this one is for the 18 thumbs up list!! Fine the recipe here.

I did make a insta-recipe. The Hubbs was working late, the girls ate their own dinner and I need to make something for just us. I wanted something quick and easy. I had a roll of seamless crescent dough in the fridge. I looked around and found ham lunchmeat and shredded mozzarella cheese. I opened up the dough and layered cheese, ham slices, and then cheese. I rolled it all up and then cooked it for 25 minutes at 350 degrees. When I pulled it out I sliced it up and LOVED it! It was warm and gooey and good! I know that making elaborate dinners every night can be taxing, so finding something that we both like that is fast and easy is like finding a four-leaf clover!

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Some things change and some remain the same...

In January of 2009 I sort of started my blog by writing notes on my FB page. I didn't quite know just how to write a blog back then, but I was trying. I was scrolling through the few 'notes' that I had written. I wrote one entry about 25 random things about myself. It's funny how some things change and some things remain the same....

January 29, 2009
1. I love eating ice cream! Cookies are more my style now...
2. I rub my feet against the covers to fall asleep. I still do that...probably until I die!
3. I'm having an issue with my hair being greasy on the crown of my head! YUCK! Not anymore! These kids have stripped my hair of all the important nutrients and my hair is dry and frizzy!
4. I plan to be an Early Childhood Special Education about 2 years 4 1/2 years later I will be graduating with my Masters in Autism...with an endorsement in Early Childhood.
5.I hope my dog lives to be 101 years old. My dog did not live to 101. But he lived to 15 and he was a wonderful part of our family and we still miss him :/
6. I love the winter but it's been really, really cold this year! It's really, really cold again this year...yuck!
7. I would love to have five kids...but I don't know if I can get that many in before my bio clock breaks! I would still totally have 5 kids. Miguel would NOT. He's done at 3...but I am going to shoot for 4.
9. I think that we will probably have 300 people at our wedding! There were 340 people at our wedding. Over 3/4 of them did not have their green card and we partied like it was the last night on this Earth. 
10. I love to read and read! (When I have the time) Still love to read! More mommy porn then anything!
11. I don't need a lot of things, I just need love and food! Nothings changed there.
12. I want to work for a public school district! After my kids are in school, I want to work for a non-profit agency that helps parents with early intervention for their children.
13. My parents are the best anyone could ask for This has been proven even truer with my girls in the picture!
14. The smell of Miguel's farts could kill people! I have no idea how that man is still alive...something has crawled up his ass and died!
15. Beto makes me a better person. What can I say...he hasn't changed!
16. I worry about the polar bears and where they will live when all the ice melts What the hell was I smoking when I wrote that? I haven't thought about the polar bears since that I am working on helping the homeless/needy get essential supplies that everyone uses.
17. Smoking is so freakin nasty! Yuck - LOVE that public places are smoke-free! 
18. I dont' like to drink. Still don't drink...I have been the DD since I was 16
19. I wish I was a food network star! This couldn't be closer to the truth. My kitchen skills have flourished, at the likings of my husband!
20. I love our new apartment! Fireplaces rock! That apartment was cool but we had the neighbor from HELL! I was over zealous to get the hell out of there and into this house!
21. I wish I could get my hair that perfect red color! Still searching for the perfect color...I am box #66 right now...a shade of red
22. My belly hurts every day! My belly does not hurt every back does!
23. Joseph makes me never want to have kids...or at least kill them when they turn 15! Joseph still drives me insane..he has such potential...and I will KILL my kids if they act like him.
24. Miguel is DEAF! Man-o-man...what?
25. I can't believe we are getting married...FINALLY! We will be married for 3 years next month, together for 7 years and we have produced 2 beautiful girls and 1 fat Corgi.