Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Balancing Act

So, my second week didn't go so well - I did fine during the week, while I was at home eating food that I have bought specifically to be healthy and good. However, I went out lunch at Greektown (holy brownie sundae from Coldstone) and then went in the same week to Mongo and had a delish dessert at Bailey's. Second week stats - (I have switched to weighing in on Saturday mornings) is +1. I was actually not really bummed about it.

I ate like shit those two day - and believe me my body let me know (oye, porcelain bowl). For how much I trash I ate, I was surprised that I only gained one pound. Total stats thus far = -6...which is better then I could ask for after 2 weeks of life changing eating. I really do enjoy eating better, even though I think the roughage is going to kill me. Today I started having more energy and did more around the house then I have since Isabella was born. (If you don't count the frantic cleaning that happens before someone comes over.)

I do have to say - it's a bitch not being able to eat all the sweets I want. I have become addicted to FF cool whip and sugar free jello. Together they are 0, count them - 0 points! I think I could basically live off of that shit. It amazes me how much crap there is to buy and eat out there. What the hell are we filling up our bodies with? And really - that cereal bar is how many freakin points? Are you for real...that's why that shit is so good. I have amazed myself and gotten used to drinking Pepsi Max...I even ordered a Diet Pepsi at Taco Bell the other day....I am slowly becoming my mother...great - (no offense Nana)

I bought a new pair of running shoes and I am going to start walking/running (Lord knows my ass won't be running the whole time) around the track near our house. The ideal situation would be to exercise every day...but who the hell am I kidding...some days just making it to bed time is like going through a triathlon. Bells has been only getting up once a night for the past week so that might help me out a little bit. I dream of the night that she sleeps the entire night...will that ever happen? Not likely anytime soon. Until then, I shall drink some caffeine and hope Hubbs gets home in time for me to relax a little.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Why do skinny girls get to have all the fashion fun?

So, I love, love, love dresses - I like wearing them, shopping for them, and look at other people wearing them and thinking...hmmm I wonder if they made that in my size? I would have closets filled with the cutest and flashiest dresses anyone has ever seen. Bought on my Walmart and Target budget of course.
The only thing stopping me is...I really wish I had thighs that didn't touch because I would be in them each and every day. I didn't realize how much my "size" really effected what I wear and how I wear it. I have these honking thighs (that I have always had...that's why I was a good base when I was a cheerleader) that rub together and it's just not pretty or comfortable. I usually wear shorts underneath but, now that the heat is here in full bloom - what's the point of wearing shorts under a dress? Layers doesn't work for anyone fat or skinny!

So, Friday - Hubbs is off and I am going to go on a little shopping spree and get me some of the anti-chaffing lotions and see if they actually work. I recently bought a little sundress from Macy's that was on sale. I didn't even try it on, I just bought and XL and thought...it will fit. And it does fit! Of course it fits, it's a freaking XL dress..there are no snaps, buttons, or zippers - it would fit anyone. The question is do I look good in it? I don't want to just look okay - I want to look gooooood. The type of good that you stand a little taller and smile a little brighter wearing it. I have yet to try it on...I figure after I loose 20 pounds maybe I will try it out....I would love to wear it to my cousin's wedding shower this Sunday...but probably not. I am going to go on a search for a really cute Maxi dress that doesn't cling to anything but makes me feel frilly and feminine.

For most of my life I have saved my money (and gotten in debt quite a few times with store credit cards) and shopped at Lane Bryant or bought certain things from Avenue. First off....when you shop at LB you better have some friggin money because it's like going in to the Ralph Lauren store and buying things that just came off the run way. For real people? 55 dollars for jeans? How about the 30 dollar tank tops...who in the hell makes this shit? And how stupid am I for buying it? For years I didn't care and I bought it because it was cute and it fit me. I have however, learned to go when seasons are changing and then you get things for 70 to 90 percent off...now that I can afford. Secondly, everything at Avenue looks like my grandma wore it and they are trying to bring it back in style...and she's been dead since I was 15. I just want to be able to wear stylish clothes that don't cost me a damn arm and leg and actually fit me.

Fit being the key word. Have you seen those people who are wearing things and you think, "Ohhhhh...honey - just cause they make it in your size doesn't mean you should be wearing it!" Believe me - I give them props for having the confidence to wear that shit...but come on - I don't want to see my own cottage cheese thighs, let alone someone elses!

I need to get my white ass out in the pool too and get a good tan...everyone looks better with a tan. Not the tan that the lady from Jersey has...you know, that oh, my God is that brown make up on you? tan. Or who could forget the Snooki orange tan...geez...they have some gems in Jersey.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

First week of new eating..

So, the first week has some what flown by....I thought that I was going to give in the first day and I was having a really hard time. I usually eat whatever I want, whenever I want to. However, I was determined to lose weight and I was being too strict and not eating "real" food. I guess I could exist on WW food but then I wouldn't be able to eat at other people's houses or when we go out. The third day I got a little excited and weighed myself and the scale said that I lost 5 pounds...that was very encouraging :) So encouraging, that I was doing the victory dance in the kitchen thought about what else I could do to make my goal. Things got easier, however the fourth day I was starving but filled up on veggies and had a couple of extra treats. It didn't help that I got a visit from Aunt Flo this week - which multiplies my hunger by 7 million. I think that switching to Pepsi MAX really helped because I wasn't wasting calories on pop, but still got my caffeine rush that is needed for me to function daily on my four hour of sleep a night.

(I have to admit that I would brib this kid with ponies, puppies, and a brand new car at 16 if she would sleep through the night...but you aren't supposed to brib them right? I would only be able to give her puppies anyway...so I guess I won't lie to her)

So I am supposed to weight in tomorrow since that will be one week, but I got excited today and weighed myself this morning. Yes, I was wearing my pjays and I didn't get naked...although that might have taken off a couple of more ounces. But my blinds were open in our bay window and although my crazy psycho neighbor records out his front window, I don't think that he really wants to get my white ass on camera. So total weight lost this week was....drum roll please! 7 pounds!! Now, the reason why I weighed myself this morning was because at lunch time I was allowing myself to use all of my "extra" points for lunch with Silva. So - I don't know how much I am sabotaging myself, however, I will still probably weigh myself again tomorrow just to see how much that lunch cost me. -Which, now that I type that ... I realize that if I didn't weigh myself until tomorrow I would never know how much I was sabotaging myself...now I will know for sure...what a dumb ass I am!

I had a greek salad with chicken and 2 pieces of bread. Which wasn't so horrible, however, the Coldstone brownie sundae afterwards...blew my "extra" points outta the water...lol - it was delish! I have to admit though, that after I ate that lush brownie sundae - I was in the bathroom for about 10 minutes...chanting - Why did I eat that? Why did I eat that? I won't do it again...I won't do it again.

So, I am surprising myself by saying that I will be going into week 2 with a smile on my face and determination in my heart to get healthy and off these damn BP pills....oh, and my pants fitting better is an added bonus! Watch out regular women's size department....here I come - although the plus size has been good to me my whole life, but old ass women's clothing isn't cutting it anymore and Lane Bryant is too friggin expensive now that I am a SAHM!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

First day...and I am ready to punch someone in the face!

So, I was ready to go and start my diet (new way of eating...blah blah blah). I had some cereal and fruit and was on a roll...then around 10 am - I was ready to eat everything  in the house and was already thinking about going off the diet....LMAO - I called Miguel and said - I can't do this...it's too hard and too time consuming to figure out how many points something is and then count them.....did you know that one can of regular pop is 2 points?!! OMG...I am switching to Pepsi MAX. I can't stand diet pop but I can deal with the MAX stuff. Needless to say at lunch time I had the most of my points because I was starving and ready to smack the goldfish pretzels out of Lilli's hands and inhale an entire bag of them. I have had so much fruit today, I am sure that the enamel on my teeth will erode leaving me with brown teeth that are sensitive as all get out. I will be skinny but I will have bad teeth..is it worth it? lol
My mom said that I am being to hard on myself and that if I go over points then I will just lose weight slower...which sounds okay with me - as long as my ass is getting smaller...who cares about the time it will take to get there? Well here's hoping that tomorrow will be better...and that the cravings will lessen...and DAMN whoever thought it was a good idea to put candy at checkouts....they should have their asses kicked!

Friday, June 8, 2012

At long last....I join the fat rat race!

I have decided (not really wanting to) join Weight Watchers. I am going to have my own WW at my house. I am going to start counting points and see if I can lose 20 pounds...which seems like an awful lot at this point. Maybe I should shoot for 10 first.....or maybe 5 - hell this isn't going to work! I am completely fine with the weight that I am at currently but if I want that third baby, I gotta do something. My BP has been stable and I am down to one pill a day but I want to be off that shit all together if I can.

It's funny - being the fat girl your whole life and being okay with it, but having everyone else not be okay with it. It's kinda like 3 year olds with bottles in their mouth, if it's not your kid who the hell cares? But my old ass has been having some problems with my knees lately. I was recently in a wedding (yes I was the biggest girl in the wedding...and oldest ;p) and I seriously had a lapse in my judgement on how well my body works. I absolutely LOVE to dance and I often think that I do pretty well - however, I am not 20 years old anymore....and my old ass doesn't recoup as fast from a night of feverish dancing, like I was Beyonce on steroids.

I honestly think that if I stopped drinking pop then I would lose 10 pounds just by doing that...but then I would be an uber bitch and sleeping from my lack of sleep (oh, yes - my almost 7 month old still gets up 2 times a night to eat). But I have seen Hubbs lose 18 pounds from just eating the meals and not eating so much fast food...I might add that he is looking like a grade A fine piece of ass :) And moms just started last week and she lost 5 pounds her first week! I asked her if she was hungry at all and she was like- sometimes......Um, I don't want to be hungry or go to bed hungry - I LOVE food - I know what to do - eat lots of veggies and fruits, stay away from sugar and carbs...but come ON who doesn't LOVE the breadsticks at the OG? I guess I can have 1 instead of 5 and no alfredo dipping sauce...which sucks big balls.

I just never really have wanted to lose weight....is that weird and demented? I take pride in my big butt and thighs (not so much my beloved muffintop) and I want to set an example for my girls that they will be beautiful no matter what...but I also want them to know that they need to be healthy...but there is such a thing as healthy fat right? Or maybe that is just a damn excuse to stay the weight I am! LOL.

So, today and tomorrow I am going to eat until I puke then start on Sunday...I have to go buy a scale...which I have never done in the entire 30 years I have been alive...and I get 32 points a week with 35 extra points when I am having a fat day or period cravings. I hope that for my sake that I can do this and then get pregnant in December or January and then get to start it all over again after baby #3 is born.

But I think I can do this (i think i can, i think i can.....) I shall be posting more - I am sure...with all my desperation and pissedoffness of not being able to eat until I don't know why I am eating. So - so long cheez - its.....and endless snacking...I shall miss you - but hey - maybe I might actually get my house clean now!