I have decided (not really wanting to) join Weight Watchers. I am going to have my own WW at my house. I am going to start counting points and see if I can lose 20 pounds...which seems like an awful lot at this point. Maybe I should shoot for 10 first.....or maybe 5 - hell this isn't going to work! I am completely fine with the weight that I am at currently but if I want that third baby, I gotta do something. My BP has been stable and I am down to one pill a day but I want to be off that shit all together if I can.
It's funny - being the fat girl your whole life and being okay with it, but having everyone else not be okay with it. It's kinda like 3 year olds with bottles in their mouth, if it's not your kid who the hell cares? But my old ass has been having some problems with my knees lately. I was recently in a wedding (yes I was the biggest girl in the wedding...and oldest ;p) and I seriously had a lapse in my judgement on how well my body works. I absolutely LOVE to dance and I often think that I do pretty well - however, I am not 20 years old anymore....and my old ass doesn't recoup as fast from a night of feverish dancing, like I was Beyonce on steroids.
I honestly think that if I stopped drinking pop then I would lose 10 pounds just by doing that...but then I would be an uber bitch and sleeping from my lack of sleep (oh, yes - my almost 7 month old still gets up 2 times a night to eat). But I have seen Hubbs lose 18 pounds from just eating the meals and not eating so much fast food...I might add that he is looking like a grade A fine piece of ass :) And moms just started last week and she lost 5 pounds her first week! I asked her if she was hungry at all and she was like- sometimes......Um, I don't want to be hungry or go to bed hungry - I LOVE food - I know what to do - eat lots of veggies and fruits, stay away from sugar and carbs...but come ON who doesn't LOVE the breadsticks at the OG? I guess I can have 1 instead of 5 and no alfredo dipping sauce...which sucks big balls.
I just never really have wanted to lose weight....is that weird and demented? I take pride in my big butt and thighs (not so much my beloved muffintop) and I want to set an example for my girls that they will be beautiful no matter what...but I also want them to know that they need to be healthy...but there is such a thing as healthy fat right? Or maybe that is just a damn excuse to stay the weight I am! LOL.
So, today and tomorrow I am going to eat until I puke then start on Sunday...I have to go buy a scale...which I have never done in the entire 30 years I have been alive...and I get 32 points a week with 35 extra points when I am having a fat day or period cravings. I hope that for my sake that I can do this and then get pregnant in December or January and then get to start it all over again after baby #3 is born.
But I think I can do this (i think i can, i think i can.....) I shall be posting more - I am sure...with all my desperation and pissedoffness of not being able to eat until I don't know why I am eating. So - so long cheez - its.....and endless snacking...I shall miss you - but hey - maybe I might actually get my house clean now!