Thursday, November 14, 2013

Until it happens to you...

I know I have posted about being a hypocrite before. Before I owned a house, got married (twice), and had children I judged people with the best of them. Does it make me a horrible person? No, only because I learned from my mistakes.

I taught elementary school children and couldn't understand why parents had such a hard time getting their kids to school on time. I certainly didn't understand why they didn't feed their kids before they brought them to school. How HORRIBLE they were! Right? WRONG! If having my own kids have taught me anything, it's that NOTHING goes the way it's supposed to go and there is NEVER enough money to cover everything we need to pay. Yes, kids throw fits in the morning about almost everything. Which makes them late to school. Sometimes we are late to somewhere just because those extra 5 minutes in bed just feels so damn good. As far as breakfast goes - I have one kid that eats from sun up to sun down. I have another one that eats only enough to keep surviving. Kids go to school really early. No wonder they don't want to eat until they get there. Or maybe, just maybe they really don't have money for food. It really happens. We've had weeks where we've only had 35 bucks for groceries. Those weeks sucked, but we survived. Until it happens to you, you don't understand. But, put yourself in their shoes.

Another thing I just realized is that cyber bullying is real. It might be something that is flat out rude or a nice picture with a "deeper meaning" that is meant to just demoralize others and how they live their lives. A friend of mine just found out that her 10 year old son what bullying people on the internet. She had NO idea. She deleted all accounts, took toys/phones away, and sat him down to explain to him why bullying was wrong. She had him watch an episode of Dr. Phil about bullying and then a video on the last girl that killed herself because of cyber bullying. I am so unbelievably PROUD of her as a parent! She has set a great example for her other kids and for us parents who will unfortunately have to deal with this at some point in our children's lives. However, there are people who have told her she's a bad parent because she didn't know what he was doing to begin with. REALLY?! Kids are sneaky. There is honestly not enough time in the day to keep tabs on them. Until it happens to you, you don't understand. But, put yourself in their shoes.

I feel that each day as a parent I learn more, see more, and experience more. I have become more sensitive to others through the trials that I have been through. I try to understand every point of view. Maybe it's my personality or how I was raised. However, I wasn't raised to judge people. That's not my job. People do things in their lives because they think that's the best for them or their families. All I can try to control is what happens to my family. I can try to sensor what my kids see or do. I say try to, because you never know what is going to happen. Nothing is promised to you.

My nephew was bullied continuously at his old school. Nothing was done. He's a really strong kid. He was able to understand that it wasn't his fault that he is different from others. He's in a school district that supports and roots for him now. However, there are kids out there that don't have that kind of support.

Oh, and bullies suck. Plain and simple. If you are berating someone because they are not just like you, think like you, or for any reason - your a bully. I've been that bully before. I totally sucked at one point. I learned though. All I ask is that you try to put yourself in others shoes, because unless you've been in their shoes - you have nothing to say!


  1. i was bullied from about 3rd grade-ish until 10th grade. i am so glad that bullying is getting more attention now by the schools because most of the time it happened to me at school and nothing was done...other than once i sat down with the bully and the administrator to talk about it. nothing came out of it. we had discussions with the bully's parents and my parents and that didn't help much either unfortunately. the way it really stopped is by my sister and another friend threatening the bully into leaving me alone (more bullying! fighting fire with fire, if you will).

    it was really sad, and made me afraid to go to school and school social events (dances, etc.) for a really long time (7 yrs! wtf).

    i think the way your friend handled it sounds amazing honestly. i wish someone would have done that to my bully. i think part of the problem was that the parents didn't believe it was going on. back then it was in-person bullying rather than cyber bullying so i suppose it was harder to prove.

  2. I was a small kid during middle school (before your time, Jen) and so I got bullied a lot. I remember one particular a**hole (and his a**hole buddies) who would shove me into my locker and then close and lock it on me. Not every day, but a couple-three times a week. No one at school did anything about it and I was too embarrassed to say anything to mom and dad. So yeah, being bullied sucks.