Monday, February 17, 2014

Your bigger then you know...

I have many amazing friends. Friends that listen to me bitch and complain about all the problems in my life. Friends that I trust to watch my kids. Friends that lift me up when I feel like I am going to pull my damn hair out. Friends that make me laugh so hard I pee. Friends who understand and love me. It's an glorious feeling to have these people in my life.

One friend in particular has given me strength that she doesn't even know about. When I feel like I am down to my last straw after a few hours of sleep, lots of temper tantrums, fighting with the Hubbs about his snoring, worrying about paying the bills - I stop and thinking of this amazing friend of mine. She has 2 beautiful children. Her second (the sweetest baby girl ever) was born with some special needs.

They knew before she was even born that they would have a battle to fight. There were many tears shared between text and phone calls. I would think in my head - I have no idea what I would do. I mean I know you make the best of every situation that the Lord puts you in - you have to…these are kids we are talking about. Not losing a job. Not losing a car to a wreck. These are little human beings that you held inside of you for 9 months. You changed your diet, lost sleep, threw up, had no energy, and changed your whole life since finding out they were going to be yours.

I never had a doubt in my mind that she would be able to handle this little girl with such care that she would thrive to such great extents that my friend would come out on top. My friend, who just so happens to be a nurse, has grown so much in such a short time. She lives on the opposite side of the state from me - but I see her through Facebook. Her beautiful family growing. I hear from her every couple of days when we check in with each other to see if we are both still just holding on by a thread.

She's already given life to her child, twice. She gave birth to her then had to breath life into her when she stopped breathing and turned blue due to her special needs. I can't even imagine. I think I cried for 2 days when she told me about it. Everything that happens in my life I think of that moment. Nothing could be worse. No one could be more amazing. At least, in my opinion.

We talk to each other when we are at our darkest moments and think we can't do this job that is so taxing. This job of motherhood. Neither one of us thinks we are doing our best (even though we are doing amazing), we both think we should do more, the doubts of motherhood are endless. Seriously. If you aren't a mother - you have no idea. If you are a mother of older children you might have forgotten - but parenting small children is NOT easy. It's rewarding as all get out. They make you laugh then smack their sibling then you want to kill them.

I have her to talk to when my husband is being a tool because her husband can be a tool too. All men are. It's part of their jobs as our husbands to make life difficult at times so that when life is good we realize what amazing men we have in our lives. What the hell would we ever do without them?

What in the hell would we do without each other? I have known this woman almost my entire life. We lived 2 doors away from each other and were as thick as thieves when we were smaller. We lost touch after high school when her parents moved from my street. But - through the grace of God we found each other again. Right when we needed each other the most. Right at the beginning of motherhood. When I was pregnant with #2 and she had the biggest baby in all of Michigan. :) That kid is going to play football for a major college…I know it!

Now she has the beautiful gift of raising the cutest girl ever with the craziest hair. With a special need that after a many surgeries will (I am hoping) be just a thing of their past. I pray that they will be able to think back on her infancy and go - Lord how did we get through that?

I just wanted to let this friend of mine know what great strength she's given to me. When I think that I can't do this motherhood thing one minute longer, when I think I am doing it all wrong - I think of her. All the things she's done in the last 5 months. How freaking amazing she is. If she can do all these freaking amazing things…then I can to. I can get through anything because she can do it. I hope she knows how much I love and respect her. God has this amazing ability to put people in your lives when you need them the most. She's someone I needed that one day when I was five and my best friend had just moved 45 minutes away. I walked into the moving truck saw her mom and said, "Hi, I'm Jennifer do you have any kids?" She's someone that I need in my life now at thirty-two when I am learning how to be the best mother I can for all 3 of our girls. She's basically just someone I need :) I am glad I have a friend like that. I'm glad the Lord has blessed me with many friends. Friends that I can count on and know no matter what - they are always my friend.

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