Time slipping by...

Life has a way of getting away from you. One minute you are holding your head while sobbing, "Isn't it bedtime yet?"The next, you are up at 6:30 a.m. with just the dogs cleaning, making breakfast and dinner (in the crockpot), and thinking you only have 23 more days until chaos completely erupts and when you welcome your last child into the world. Really? Where the hell has the last year go?!

I try to picture our lives 3 months from now and I can see a some what organized disorganization going on. I see 30 minute gymnastic classes taking all day preparation for kid drop off at Nunna and Papa's to make it on time for that small amount of time where my kid gets to do some structured sport. Then comes the gymnastics day that does not include drop off at Nunna and Papa's. Yeah - that day where I take the 2 youngest ones with me for the oldest ones 30 minute class. That days going to be hectic - but I hope that will just make it fly by.

I picture lots of crying and screaming over toys, while I am "shhhhhhing" in my loudest whisper because Lucy is sleeping and if they wake her up I am going to just kill them. (More like give them something to watch or paint because Mama ain't got time for all that drama.)

I picture me actually having 45 minutes of me time when I can get back to running. This will be my refuge. Being just by my lonesome and pounding the pavement to help me keep up with these 3 monsters that will be controlling my life.

I picture actually being able to hug my hot, sexy husband because I won't have a basketball in the way!! I can't wait for sexy time!!!! (sorry, mom)

I picture lots of first, seconds, and oh, Lord! not agains. Ex: Lucy rolling over, me yelling at the girls for trying to roll on top of Lucy, the girls asking for the 1,456 time, "Mama can I see Lucy's poop?"

I picture Rascal herding yet another one of our family members where he wants them to be, while rolling his eyes at how dumb we are.

I picture Charlie being sweet as pie with our girls. Still scared of Miguel. And loving me every bit she can.

I picture lots of sleepless nights. Tons.

The one thing I can't picture is being unhappy with this crazy life we've built. I have things I've never dreamt about.

I can picture myself becoming so emotional I break into tears all the time (I blame that on the Jerry Wrobel gene.)

As I hold Thing #2, who just woke up crying but instantly fell asleep on my shoulder

 I feel the pain of my body screaming - stop holding a 25 lb kid when you have a 6 lb kid in your belly! But I feel the love that spirals from their bodies to mine. Wait, maybe that's gas….Whatever it is - it feels good. The type of good you can get addicted to.

Your bigger then you know...

I have many amazing friends. Friends that listen to me bitch and complain about all the problems in my life. Friends that I trust to watch my kids. Friends that lift me up when I feel like I am going to pull my damn hair out. Friends that make me laugh so hard I pee. Friends who understand and love me. It's an glorious feeling to have these people in my life.

One friend in particular has given me strength that she doesn't even know about. When I feel like I am down to my last straw after a few hours of sleep, lots of temper tantrums, fighting with the Hubbs about his snoring, worrying about paying the bills - I stop and thinking of this amazing friend of mine. She has 2 beautiful children. Her second (the sweetest baby girl ever) was born with some special needs.

They knew before she was even born that they would have a battle to fight. There were many tears shared between text and phone calls. I would think in my head - I have no idea what I would do. I mean I know you make the best of every situation that the Lord puts you in - you have to…these are kids we are talking about. Not losing a job. Not losing a car to a wreck. These are little human beings that you held inside of you for 9 months. You changed your diet, lost sleep, threw up, had no energy, and changed your whole life since finding out they were going to be yours.

I never had a doubt in my mind that she would be able to handle this little girl with such care that she would thrive to such great extents that my friend would come out on top. My friend, who just so happens to be a nurse, has grown so much in such a short time. She lives on the opposite side of the state from me - but I see her through Facebook. Her beautiful family growing. I hear from her every couple of days when we check in with each other to see if we are both still just holding on by a thread.

She's already given life to her child, twice. She gave birth to her then had to breath life into her when she stopped breathing and turned blue due to her special needs. I can't even imagine. I think I cried for 2 days when she told me about it. Everything that happens in my life I think of that moment. Nothing could be worse. No one could be more amazing. At least, in my opinion.

We talk to each other when we are at our darkest moments and think we can't do this job that is so taxing. This job of motherhood. Neither one of us thinks we are doing our best (even though we are doing amazing), we both think we should do more, the doubts of motherhood are endless. Seriously. If you aren't a mother - you have no idea. If you are a mother of older children you might have forgotten - but parenting small children is NOT easy. It's rewarding as all get out. They make you laugh then smack their sibling then you want to kill them.

I have her to talk to when my husband is being a tool because her husband can be a tool too. All men are. It's part of their jobs as our husbands to make life difficult at times so that when life is good we realize what amazing men we have in our lives. What the hell would we ever do without them?

What in the hell would we do without each other? I have known this woman almost my entire life. We lived 2 doors away from each other and were as thick as thieves when we were smaller. We lost touch after high school when her parents moved from my street. But - through the grace of God we found each other again. Right when we needed each other the most. Right at the beginning of motherhood. When I was pregnant with #2 and she had the biggest baby in all of Michigan. :) That kid is going to play football for a major college…I know it!

Now she has the beautiful gift of raising the cutest girl ever with the craziest hair. With a special need that after a many surgeries will (I am hoping) be just a thing of their past. I pray that they will be able to think back on her infancy and go - Lord how did we get through that?

I just wanted to let this friend of mine know what great strength she's given to me. When I think that I can't do this motherhood thing one minute longer, when I think I am doing it all wrong - I think of her. All the things she's done in the last 5 months. How freaking amazing she is. If she can do all these freaking amazing things…then I can to. I can get through anything because she can do it. I hope she knows how much I love and respect her. God has this amazing ability to put people in your lives when you need them the most. She's someone I needed that one day when I was five and my best friend had just moved 45 minutes away. I walked into the moving truck saw her mom and said, "Hi, I'm Jennifer do you have any kids?" She's someone that I need in my life now at thirty-two when I am learning how to be the best mother I can for all 3 of our girls. She's basically just someone I need :) I am glad I have a friend like that. I'm glad the Lord has blessed me with many friends. Friends that I can count on and know no matter what - they are always my friend.

Crock Pot Rotisserie Chicken

I seriously don't know why I never thought of this sooner, but it is something that I will be making either every week or every other week. I cook a lot. I mean A LOT. It saves us tons of money and though by husband would love to eat out everyday with only one income it's just not financially possible. I love making recipes from scratch - not super complicated ones.

We eat tons of chicken. Chicken chop suey, Crescent Chicken, Salad with chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken. There have been many nights in a row that I do the same thing. I thaw out 1 or 2 chicken breasts cut them up and cook them in the pan. The same FREAKING WAY. Why in the hell didn't I think to make a big batch of chicken one time a week and use it throughout is beyond me.

It all started with this recipe from David Venable of QVC for chicken pitas. It called for already cooked rotisserie chicken and I happen to buy some herb pitas that week. So I stuck 2 frozen chicken breasts in the crock pot for 3 hours on high with Adobo and Rotisserie seasoning and made my own! This Sunday I bought a family pack of chicken at Meijer and cooked the whole entire pack with the same seasoning for 3 hours on high. It came out PERFECT! Now I have a half of gallon bag of chicken that is already to go. I have already had a chicken salad sandwich (I am a little obsessed with them right now) and we will be having chicken salads and crescent chicken this week. If I have some left I am going to make chicken soup too! I don't know why in the world it's taken me 8 years of cooking on my own to do this but it has!

Sorry I don't have any pictures but it's kinda self explanatory!

Burt's Bees Review

Oh my WORD! I have fallen in love with a body wash!

I have been at war with myself of buying better quality products - partly because of money issues; and partly because we've always used Softsoap. Well - those days are over. I will be officially paying 8.00 for body wash from now on.

I got a sample pack of Burt's Bees Peppermint and Rosemary Body Wash. I thought, it's free I'll try it.

Little did I know how awesome this product is!

Here is the website description:

There’s nothing like a shower to get you going. That’s why you’re gonna love the energizing, minty-fresh feeling of this body wash. Made with natural Peppermint and Rosemary, this gentle plant-based cleansing formula is the perfect start to any day of your week.
Read more at http://www.burtsbees.com/Fabulously-Fresh-Peppermint-Rosemary-Body-Wash/00112-00,default,pd.html#puj68dG6dx8O3gyi.99

The consistency of the body wash is more fluid then others. It has to the peppermint oil in it that makes the texture the way it is. A little goes a LONG way! The smell is AH-mazing. It wakes you up and cleans your sinuses! BONUS! There is no Parabens, Phthalates, or Petrochemicals in it either. Which I think adds to the fact that my skin has NOT been dry since I have been using it. This winter + this pregnancy has made my skin miserable! I am dry and itchy all the time. However, when I started using this my skin changed dramatically in only a few uses. I do have to say I miss the bubbles but I LOVE the silky texture that it has. I have to keep reminding myself bubbles not necessarily mean clean - but they for sure mean DRY SKIN! 

So, if you in the market for a new body wash - give it a try. I think I might jump into trying their shampoo and conditioner too, now that I have an almost buzz cut!

The Paci Blues

It's been a rough 29 hours in this house. Yesterday, we laid the pacifiers to rest. I had no problem with the girls having them until they were around 4 (when they start preschool), however, as of late they have NOT been using them the way they have been intended. I have done a lot of research on the usage of pacifiers and it's main goal is to soothe. They do their job - believe me. I would not have had a moment of sleep (not that I get a lot) in the last 3 years without them.

However, my girls have started chewing on them and ripping them apart. This is one way you can tell that your child physically is ready to give up the pacifier. This has been going on for a couple of months and I started having to replace them. It's not that they break the bank - but really? Chewing on it? You have all your FREAKING teeth. Why are you chewing on them?

What really made up the decision was when Lilli (3 years old) started trying to talk with it in her mouth. Now, she already has a speech issues. She doesn't place her tongue correctly on a lot of words and she has a little lisp. (I know that this will change over time.) Add having her tongue shaped into a "U" to hold on to her pacifier to that lisp/wrong tongue placement. It's a recipe for disaster. For real - it's hard enough sometimes to translate her foreign language!

So yesterday, when Lucy in the Womb woke me up for the day, I decided that we would lay the pacifiers to rest and hope for the best. Man - I did not know what I was in for!

Isabella (2 years old) was okay without it until nap time. When nap time came. She cried like someone was cutting off her fingers one at a time for 8 minutes. ONLY 8 minutes. I was expecting at least 30 minutes. That got my hopes up. At bedtime she only cried for 5 minutes! Such success in only 2 sleeps. She did ask for it twice during the day - but I was able to side track her with food. (She could use gaining a couple of pounds.) *She did wake up at 1:30 and cry but she fell back asleep after a minute or two. (I got to stay up for about 45 minutes listening to the Hubbs snore.) Day 2 nap time was HORRIBLE! She cried for 4 minutes then was quiet. I was silently cheering. Then 3 minutes later she started back up. It took her 25 minutes of crying on and off to finally pass out!

Lilli is a completely different story. This girl LOVES her pacifier. I knew it was going to be a struggle. She asked for it about 4 times throughout the day. Each time I told her that she was a big girl and didn't need it anymore. Then I started bribing her. "You want a new toy? You don't need the paci then!" Nap time was easier then I thought. it took her about 15 minutes of whimpering for her to pass out. Bedtime like living in HELL! She cried hard - snotty nose running down lip, tears down the cheeks, red scrunched up face, gonna make you throw up kind of crying hard. After 40 minutes - yes I let her go that long - I went in her room and laid down with her. She wanted to go and sit in the living room, but I just rubbed her back. She was out in less then 5 minutes. So far, she hasn't asked for it today. I am hoping that nap time goes just like yesterday and that bedtime will be at least half the time it took last night.

Now, let me tell you the things that could have screwed with my success rate here….

1) I didn't read them any kind of story about why we were giving it up - we just quit cold turkey. I don't think Isabella would have understood and I think that Lilli just thinks I am a bitch, but it might have helped.

2) They both went to bed LATE. Lilli went to bed extremely late. Over an hour late, because I wanted to let her see her dad. I should know better! Over tired children = Hot ass messes!

3) Day 2 issues - they both went to the doctor for checkups and each got one shot. What the hell was I thinking?!

Now - this evening we will be over to see my mom so Isabella might be a little late for bedtime. I try to keep her up until 9 but she's in bed by 8:30 most of the time. Some people may think this is late, but the chick only needs 8 hours of sleep. Her peepers open up at 6:20 every morning. Totally crazy! At 9:15 Lilli will be laying in bed relaxing with her choice of book, iPad, or toy. Last night we just threw her in bed at 10:30 and hoped for the best. I think that nap time was successful with her yesterday because she laid in bed for  a little while before she was told she had to take a nap. Who knows if any of this will help. I will might be rubbing her back at 9:45 until she falls asleep. But those pacifiers will not be making a reappearance until April when Lucy gets here!

I was able to go to Meijer yesterday without frantically looking for 2 pacifiers and making sure everyone had their blanket. It's funny because they don't seem so attached to their blankets now. We have made 2 trips out of the house without either item. It has been fun and carefree and I don't miss swearing over losing a pacifier! You know those times. When you are looking frantically under couches, beds, and in the bottom of toy boxes. When they wake up during the night that first year and you blindly search for it in the crib to it in their mouths so that you might be able to get 2 more hours of sleep. Remember that first child? The one that would lay the paci down and you would run and wash it then sterilize it? Yeah that one - that one was a bitch! Now it's a rinse and dip. You rinse it off and then dip into their mouths. Yes, I just admitted that and you might think that's unsanitary but bite me. Just bite me. Unless you are living my crazy life - you have NO freaking idea what it's like.

So, to all you parents who have loved, hated, and wanted to kill the makers of the pacifier. I salute you! It's a hard habit to break. For your kids and you!

Until it happens to you...

I know I have posted about being a hypocrite before. Before I owned a house, got married (twice), and had children I judged people with the best of them. Does it make me a horrible person? No, only because I learned from my mistakes.

I taught elementary school children and couldn't understand why parents had such a hard time getting their kids to school on time. I certainly didn't understand why they didn't feed their kids before they brought them to school. How HORRIBLE they were! Right? WRONG! If having my own kids have taught me anything, it's that NOTHING goes the way it's supposed to go and there is NEVER enough money to cover everything we need to pay. Yes, kids throw fits in the morning about almost everything. Which makes them late to school. Sometimes we are late to somewhere just because those extra 5 minutes in bed just feels so damn good. As far as breakfast goes - I have one kid that eats from sun up to sun down. I have another one that eats only enough to keep surviving. Kids go to school really early. No wonder they don't want to eat until they get there. Or maybe, just maybe they really don't have money for food. It really happens. We've had weeks where we've only had 35 bucks for groceries. Those weeks sucked, but we survived. Until it happens to you, you don't understand. But, put yourself in their shoes.

Another thing I just realized is that cyber bullying is real. It might be something that is flat out rude or a nice picture with a "deeper meaning" that is meant to just demoralize others and how they live their lives. A friend of mine just found out that her 10 year old son what bullying people on the internet. She had NO idea. She deleted all accounts, took toys/phones away, and sat him down to explain to him why bullying was wrong. She had him watch an episode of Dr. Phil about bullying and then a video on the last girl that killed herself because of cyber bullying. I am so unbelievably PROUD of her as a parent! She has set a great example for her other kids and for us parents who will unfortunately have to deal with this at some point in our children's lives. However, there are people who have told her she's a bad parent because she didn't know what he was doing to begin with. REALLY?! Kids are sneaky. There is honestly not enough time in the day to keep tabs on them. Until it happens to you, you don't understand. But, put yourself in their shoes.

I feel that each day as a parent I learn more, see more, and experience more. I have become more sensitive to others through the trials that I have been through. I try to understand every point of view. Maybe it's my personality or how I was raised. However, I wasn't raised to judge people. That's not my job. People do things in their lives because they think that's the best for them or their families. All I can try to control is what happens to my family. I can try to sensor what my kids see or do. I say try to, because you never know what is going to happen. Nothing is promised to you.

My nephew was bullied continuously at his old school. Nothing was done. He's a really strong kid. He was able to understand that it wasn't his fault that he is different from others. He's in a school district that supports and roots for him now. However, there are kids out there that don't have that kind of support.

Oh, and bullies suck. Plain and simple. If you are berating someone because they are not just like you, think like you, or for any reason - your a bully. I've been that bully before. I totally sucked at one point. I learned though. All I ask is that you try to put yourself in others shoes, because unless you've been in their shoes - you have nothing to say!

Season of Thanks

November 1st marks the first official day of the season of thanks. Throughout the holidays everyone takes a moment to think of the things that they are most thankful for in their lives. Some small things and some large. My season of thanks started a little less then 6 months ago. We had a life changing moment happen which made us offer up thanks for the 2 beautiful, healthy girls we have & our love and support for each other. Nothing like tragedy to make your put your life into perspective.

I always said I wanted four kids. We compromised for 3 when we got married and then when we had two back to back, Miguel said I am good with 2, but if you want three then let's do it. As I sit here feeding my pregnant face with M&M cookies and Sprite I have had an Ah-Ha moment. This is actually my fourth child. So in a way, I am getting what I always dreamed of! Yes, I won't have four children to see go to kindergarten, graduate high school, get married, have kids - but I've had four kids. My body has held 4 beating hearts. Four babies that have changed my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and body. Oh, Lordy have they changed my body. (I now have the long mom butt)

Each day I have new things I worry about. Some are frivolous, like paying bills. Others are huge, as in how to raise children that are respectful and have amazing self-esteem. Luckily for me, I married the most laid back man ever! He always tells me, "We will be fine." Which sometimes makes me want to give him a titty twister, then other times it makes my heartbeat slow down and my armpits stop sweating. Oh man, my ADD has thrown me off course once again!

So today on November 1st - what am I thankful for? My four kids. The four kids that I have always wanted. The four kids that given me joy, sorrow, stretch marks, the ability to pee when I laugh or sneeze, patience, a long mom butt, & hugs and kisses.