Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Time flies when your having fun...

Last week I was crazy obsessed with this damn blog..what the hell happened? Oh, life - that's what happened. Isn't it funny when you are waiting to get out of something (say....a boring ass class or waiting your turn at the Sec. of State) time slowly ticks by. The more you look at your watch the more pissed off you get, because only 2 fucking minutes have passed when it felt like 2 hours! I have this happen often...I think only because I still am attending school (which I will continue to attend until my last breath so I don't have to start paying back my loans because those payments will be a thousand fucking dollars a month). I sit in class antsy as all get out and shake my leg in anticipation that the professor will let us out even 3 minutes early. My dumbass took a Saturday class this semester, which is even harder...I don't know why seeing that I work from home (lol) so every day is a weekend, right? Yeah.fucking.right. 

I do have lots of these moments when my ADD is kicking in and I have the energy of a 2 year old and I feel like I am jumping out of my skin, however, these times do not surpass the time that I feel is slipping through my hands. Time that has vanished that I will never be able to get back. Like the fact that I have been with my Hubbs for 6 years...holy shit...6 years - I never thought I would be able to stand someone's morning breath for that long. I guess he must have something over me..some kinda spell...or maybe it's the fact that we still have AMAZING sexy time. (Yes, even fat people can have AMAZING sexy might not look amazing...but it is.) Or the fact that I have a 15 month old...WHAT you say Willis?! A 15 month that is even possible I have no idea...I still feel like I am 24..(not after the sexy time...then I feel like I am 65.) I looked in my rear view mirror on Monday and saw my little girl sitting in her big girl seat eating pretzels and drinking from her sippy cup and I teared up. I can't believe how much of her little life has already passed how all the things that she has learned. I get emotional just thinking about it. Realizing that one day she is going to be a teenager driving me crazy and pissing me off, stay out past her curfew, tell me she hates me, become an adult, move away (no more then an hour), fall in love, make mistakes, and grow old. She has already changed so much in 15 months....I can't imagine how much she will change in 15 years! 

Then I have Isabella who I feel like was just born last week (at least my left over baby fat is telling me this is when it happened). How in the world is she already 3 months old?! I remember not being able to see her for 24 hours because they had me on that fucking magnesium because of my stupid ass blood pressure and finally getting wheeled into the NICU to see her attached to all kinds of sensors, a breathing tube, and a feeding tube, looking a lot like a clone of Lilliana. Now she still has her feeding issues (with that damn reflux) but she has changed from a Lilli twin to looking like my dad and hubbs mated and produced the most beautiful girl with the biggest ass cheeks in America. 

I don't know where the fun time goes...I take as many pictures and videos as possible because I know that one day my memories will be cloudy and I won't remember just how much damn hair Lilli had when she was a baby or how I felt when Isabella would look at me and coo forever just to hear my voice. These are moments that I will never get to replay physically - so I feel I must capture as much as I can while I still remember. We were just looking at pictures and videos of Lilliana this morning. She has changed so much. She used to be so fucking she is a skinny one year old that you can't even get to lay down to change her diaper without doing a sumo wrestling move on her. 

Sorry for all the emotionality this morning....I am going to get my IUD in today...(I know TMI, but if you didn't know that I would go to that extent..then get the hell off this blog) and I know that I won't hold another newborn (that is mine) in my arms for probably a couple of years. It's funny you forget all the shit that happens at the end of pregnancy because these damn kids are just so awesome. Even when they poop it's funny...(Isabella is making the biggest grunting noises right now...awww..poop..that I will have to wipe out of her ass) I told you - I wipe asses all day long! Well...time to the smell in my nose I have a diaper to change!

1 comment:

  1. Jen, theses moments are what motherhood is. Amazing, emotional, scary, hopeful and greatful. I feel like I'm a better nurse, wife, daughter, friend and person since I became a mother. I'm greatful every second that I get to be a mom. Yes, even the sleepless nights :) I'm glad to share these wonderful moments w a true friend like you :)