Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Shh..it's nap time, and there is no buzzer going off!

Once you have children, you learn that Christmas is no longer the most wonderful time of the year...nap time is! Ah, nap time. When those little lovelies that tear up your house, eat away at your patience one "Please don't do that" at a time, and for the most part make the days fly by so fast you wonder how it is that it's December. It's especially nice if you have more then one child and they BOTH go down at the same time. (That didn't happen today - but the buzzing has stopped for about 2 hours...I'll get to that buzzing in a minute)

So, yes - nap time....the time to get lost in a Diet Coke and blackberry cobbler; or Hersey kisses, or cookies, or brownies....you get my drift. So here - I am enjoying the sound of Isabella ripping my family room apart while Lilliana sleeps. (Well - she's supposed to be sleeping but I hear her ass talking to monk in there....Go.To.Bed!)

Today is Day 1 of potty training. After four hours....I can completely understand why people let their kids piss and shit in diapers until they are 4 or 5. This shit is HARD! I knew it would be a test of my will and patience. I also knew that I would have to stay on top of her and know what she is doing every single minute of the day.

But, hell - I am annoying myself with saying, "Tell Mommy if you need to go to the potty. Tell Mommy if you need to go pee pee. Do you have to go poo poo?" I can only imagine how bad Lilli wants to smack my ass! She's probably thinking - Why is this bitch all up in my grill? Making me wear this thin piece of cloth that in no way is going to ever hold the Niagara Falls pees I take. Let alone - she's making me sit on a towel or plastic every time I sit down!

I would want to smack a bitch up too..

Let me start off by telling you that every time I have spoken today...it has been in this high pitched Glenda the Good Witch voice. I want her to be excited about this transition and maybe making my voice annoying as hell, she will pee in the potty. Who knows...I'm winging it here.

Isabella of course woke up before Lilli so I had about 30 minutes to get in the frame of mind of - there's no going back. This will help her. This will help me. This will help my checking account. The diaper rashes will be gone....blah blah blah~ I heard her moving around so I went in and said, "GOOD MORNING! Are you ready to be a big girl today?!" I made a big deal about getting the underwear out that we put away together yesterday. I took her in the bathroom sat her on her potty and.....n.o.t.h.i.n.g. I thought - that's okay... we will just sit here for a little bit - it's not going to magically happen just because I am using this annoying ass voice. So I said, "Let's put your underwear on!" She started kicking and whining. I pulled them up, she tried to take them off. I had a moment of panic and thought...well shit - maybe she is too young. Then I thought - no STICK to this. She and you can do this!

Encouraging some poop action with reading material..Yes, that is Rascal and I sitting there waiting.

So I did what any normal, sane parent would do. I distracted her with stickers and offers of candy. Yep - parent of the year - I know it...no need for the prize....I already have them anyway (2 of the best girls ever!). I got her into the chair...which I had already laid a towel down on and gave her breakfast. Which consisted of chocolate milk, a banana, and a cinnamon pop tart. She wouldn't eat or drink anything. It's like she knew.... the fact that I was sitting next to her staring at her waiting for her to twitch or blink weird and I was prepared to hall her ass off to the bathroom, probably didn't help.

Hubbs got up at that point, and I thought...okay - I need some kind of schedule. So I set the oven timer (god awful buzzing sound) for 15 minutes. I sat back down and we started coloring. Little did I know she had already peed and was sitting happily in wet underwear coloring. She leaned back and I said, "Oh, you went pee pee. Let's go clean you up!" We cleaned up and started our day. Now - I am home all day long. The girls play often in their rooms or in the living room. I am often around the house cleaning, cooking, or doing laundry. Today, I had her in the family room with me - playing with her constantly and watching her. She probably thinks I am the biggest stalker ever!

We continued the morning - that damn buzzer going off every 15 minutes - which after the third time of sitting on the potty with nothing going on, I switched it to every 30 minutes. I was trying to get her to drink water, milk, I even offered up pop (she won't drink juice) She wanted nothing to drink. My child who has the hottest pipes and is usually as parched as a camel in the desert didn't want to drink anything. I was worried then that she wasn't drinking because she knew that would make her have to pee and maybe she was scared of the potty. Maybe she felt uncomfortable in the underwear....I told Hubbs about this. He looked at me like - What the hell are you talking about?.

So I started being less stalker-ish and started paying attention to Isabella - yes sorry Bells...you are getting the shaft for a little bit. Then about 11/2 hours after she peed on the kitchen chair I saw her dance up into the kitchen (we have a sunken in family room) then come back and stand next to me and play on the iPad. I didn't think anything of it...until I heard her dancing around in what sounding like the sound track of Dancing in the Rain. Oh, did I forget to mention she loves to splash around in puddles....yes- even pee puddles it seems! So, off to the bathroom again to clean her up and put on our third pair of underwear of the day. (The first two are already in the dryer...I am a little crazy about that)

She would have sat there all day to play with the iPad!
I set the timer for another 30 minutes, while I have Hubbs telling me in my ear - "She hasn't pooped yet. She needs to poop." Well - of.COURSE! What do you want me to do? I think he wants to make sure she poops BEFORE I go to school so that he won't have to deal with it. Smart man. So - the annoying ass buzzer goes off 2 more times and I think - okay, she drank some water...this girls going to go pee in the potty. I see her go into the bathroom, so I go with her (mind you - I have peed myself ever.single.time. she has "tried"). I remember my friend Jamie telling me her son goes potty naked. My lightbulb comes on and I strip her, and she thinks this is the best damn idea I have had all day. She's dancing around on the toilet rubbing her belly and laughing. And....n.o.t.h.i.n.g. So she stands up and I move to close the bathroom door and she runs and gets behind the shower curtain and hides and.....pees. OMG.....we were so close! I think - at least she went into the bathroom on her own accord....maybe I have her already trained like Pavlov's dog and when she hear that buzz she just went into the bathroom automatically -wishful thinking, I know. But she was in the bathroom at least - less of a clean up and no running around to make sure Isabella or the dog didn't walk through it.

So, here we are...they are both down now...I am going to get up switch the laundry around - try out that DIY oxi clean crap again - and have some blackberry cobbler....cause after this morning I deserve it. I will for sure keep up with this. If I am nothing, I am as stubborn as a mule. She will learn how to go potty in the potty. LMAO......she's smart enough - she will get it...I mean - if I could teach our Rascal Roni to go potty outside...I got this one in the bag right? Just the messes are messier......well - I will keep you all posted on how we are doing...and I will settle this mess with the DIY oxi clean...if it really works - I will do it again and take picture this time! Happy training people!

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